Coughing out of Both Ends

When you accidentally cough and fart at the same time.

I was coughing a lot last week, and I accidentally farted at one point. My mother was in the room, so I told her I was "coughing out of both ends" to hide the shame.

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blasting out of both ends

A slang term used to describe projectile vomiting and explosive diarrhea at the same time.

Side effects may include: Blasting out of both ends.

Burning the candle both ends

To give oral sex and receive anal sex at the same time - a spit roast. The candle in question is a penis, or man made substitute such as a strap-on dildo.

Jon loves burning the candle both ends, it keeps him up all night.

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Burning the candle at both ends

Being stricken with a virus or whatever that gives you the shits and makes you puke as well.

I'm so sick! I blew mud and then 10 minutes later I puked my guts out! I'm burning the candle at both ends!

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Play both ends against the middle

Idiom

To make two people or groups oppose each other so that you can gain/get an advantage from the situation.

Politicians often play both ends against the middle by bringing up religion into the politics.

Synonyms: Work both ends/sides against the middle.

Like sticking one way signs on both ends of the road

Completely fuckin pointless

"Why did you hoover the floor and then sweep it? "

"That's like sticking one way signs on both ends of the road"

White On Both Ends

The blandest of bland people, typically white folk. These people usually suck the life out of any situation with their overwhelming dullness.

"I got stuck in a conversation with Chad at the party, it was like talking to a log!"
"God I know! He's white on both ends"