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A huge cunt also known as dicksucker
I’m ordering a Mateus for tonight
8👍 20👎
hottest man in the world, even people named jack want him
HE IS SO HOTT, HE GETS ALL THE HOES, AND HE IS THE MOST LOYAL BOYFRIEND, AND HE IS SO TALENTED AND HOT
Some Mexican dude who thinks he's good at football but actually just sucks lots of dicks
Dude 1: That guy is rubbish at football, I bet he sucks lots of dicks
Dude 2: Yeah that guy is Mateus
A 6 foot fucking nerd who doesn’t get sleep and is on FaceTime all night. He likes to play football
Guy: did u see Mateu in the hallway
Guy 2: yeah he almost killed Rooper
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Once upon an eternity ago, Mateus, who is a ninja, was at war with The Zombies. (They were much like the ones we know today, expect way deadlier.) Anyway, while engaged in combat, Mateus fell into an endless abyss that he designed for disposal of The Zombies. That abyss, which is impossible to escape, is now called the universe. From there he went on to create Earth, humanity, and everything else for unknown reasons. That is how he became God.
Mateus: "Ouch! Fuck, it's dark. Where am I? Oh shit, is this...? Damn it. Dang this is big - I wonder if there are still Zombies down here...this is gonna look bad on my autobiography 'The Story of Mateus'. (3 minutes later) I could really go for some sex right about now. I got it! Planet + animals + water = people! People = hookers! Hookers = sex! Oh, this is gonna be fun..."
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{Ma-tay-us Fa-toos}
A sophisticated word with a Latin sound to it, meaning "fat matt". This word is used for when there is an obese person named matt.
Clear the halls for a wide load, a Mateus Fatus is coming!
8👍 5👎