Rusty Newspaper

The "Rusty Newspaper" is an act used to describe the actions of a man when he wipes his ass with the front page of the London Times then proceeds to fax the page to his wife when she arrives at work.

Husband- "Did you recieve the paper via fax at work this morning honey?"
Wife- "I did, it seems you've delievered me a "Rusty Newspaper". What for?"
Husband- "You burnt the coffee again this morning you F**king C**t, thats what you get."
Wife- "I hope you at least cleaned the shit off the fax machine".

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newspaper head

Someone who sits with a newspaper in front of their head instead of paying attention to the suroundings.

"hey dude check out that newspaper head over there"

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Polish Newspaper

Oral Sex performed onto someone while they are on the toilet.

Bobby was drunk last night so Tina gave him a polish newspaper he'd never forget.

Newspaper Carrier

Person who gets up at o-dark-thirty and throws newspapers out of a car while driving in circles. Cranky until sleep is had.

Please, tip your newspaper carrier!

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newspaper condom

The plastic bag that your newspaper is delivered in, usually in times of inclement weather.

Mary saw it was raining outside and exclaimed, "Oh fuck! My newspaper is going to be ruined." However when she retrieved her paper, she noticed that the delievery boy had wrapped it in 2 newspaper condoms, keeping the paper dry and readable!

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Newspaper Jockey

A streetside newspaper vending machine.

Bryon tried to hurdle the newspaper jockey last night when he left the bar.

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newspaper job

Spending a prolonged amount of time in the bathroom taking a shit. Called a "newspaper job" because one commonly takes the paper along with them to read as they sit on the toilet

I ate so much for lunch that I know I'll have to do a newspaper job this afternoon.

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