failing asleep

This term describes the nightly experience of those unfortunate schmucks who just absolutely cannot fucking fall asleep, no matter how much thrashing around in bed they do or how much ruminating over past mistakes they indulge in. Instead of falling asleep, an insomniac is simply failing asleep.

Alice: "Wow, you look like hell"
Bob: "<mumble> last night I was failing asleep and couldn't stop thinking about some shit from middle school when I got my bike stolen"

Dead Asleep

That one person who sleeps so heavily that NOTHING can wake them up. (Almost like they're dead)

Person 1: Yeah, nothing could wake you up this morning. You were dead asleep.
Person 2: Didn't you throw water on me? When I woke up I was soaked.
Person 1: As I said, you were dead asleep. You didn't move an inch when I threw water on you.

mods asleep

a term used mainly on 4chan to tell other anons that the mods are not watching, mostly used to get a link to an illegal dropbox

Mods asleep

asleep at the keys

To sleep during an online conversation. This can be due to the conversation taking place late at night, being really boring, and/or the person in question being tired or (more commonly) drunk.

The term can also be used when someone is being slow at responding, should you suspect that they have fallen asleep.

At 1:34 AM:

Mr A: "...so yeah, that's the end of that epic adventure story, what do you think about that?"
Mr A: "Hello?"
Mr A: "I'm totally wasting my time and effort on this conversation aren't I?"
Mr A: "YOU'RE A SHIT FRIEND!!!"

At 7:51 AM:

Dr B: "Woah, sorry man... I was totally asleep at the keys!"

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asleep at the switch

Neglectful of an important task or responsibility

That punk is always be asleep at the switch.

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Cardiac asleep

In a state of unconsciousness similar too or identical to that of heavy alcoholic inebriation or getting knocked out by a heavy weight boxer

Say one more thing about my mama and ima put you under cardiac asleep

Half-asleep

used as an excuse to make up for trying to not be wrong or lying.

Hey bro, you told me the gym closed at 9. It actually closes at 11.

Bro, I was half-asleep.

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