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An actor who is funnier to use in "Chuck Norris jokes" instead of Chuck Norris simply beacause the fact of that he is more awesome.
He is good friends with Jackie Chan.
He speaks fluent japanese
He is an Aikido master of 7th dan.
He owns a dojo in japan.
He is almost always seen in a ponytail.
He is the greatest man alive.
Besides making badass action movies, Steven Seagal also plays the guitar and sings. And of course he's in a band.
Steven Seagal doesn't care what time it is, he decides what time it is.
Everytime boogieman goes to sleep he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris, however every time Chuck Norris goes to bed he checks his under his bed, inside his closet, outside his window, in the living room, kitchen and in his garage for Steven Seagall.
Steven Seagal: The secret is not to act, but to be.
49👍 35👎
Fat, out of shape actor who has trouble speaking because of his fat face. Moves hands a lot when he has to fight. Fights in films don't last long because he tires very quickly
A line from any steven seagal movie
Villian: Ha Ha My plan is almost complete
Seagal: mmm mmmmm mm mm huuuh mmm huuuhhh mmm huuhhh
Seagal proceeds to beat up villian very slowly
76👍 64👎
A porno involving Steven Seagal. Some famous pornos of him were Out for an Orgy, Hard to Penetrate, and Buddha or Bust. In these pornos, Steven Seagal is most known for dropping up to a gallon of semen on Japanese girls when the scene is almost over. That's assuming he doesn't choke them out first. You'll know for sure that you're watching a Steven Seagal porno if you hear crazy techno music in the background - music you can only dance to in a speedo. Most of these were made in the 80's but there are a few that were made past 1990 and even into the 2000s!
In short, it's a porno featuring Steven Seagal as the star.
Well I spent my Thursday evening watching a Steven Seagal Porno. It was the one where he goes into the gym wearing only his underwear and fucks every girl in the cardio section except for this obese one.
16👍 9👎
Someone who claims proficiency in a multitude of subjects with absolutely no evidence in said subjects. Such as martial arts, academic fields and sports
They say stuff like this so that they can seem more credible especially when in arguments or simple discussion, however no one actually believes them and they come across like basements dwelling virgins like Steven Seagal.
Bill: I have spent many years studying martial arts and boxing do you really want to fight me?
Frank: Shut up Bill you have Steven Seagal Syndrome
Music you would hear during various pornos involving Steven Seagal. Usually the music consists of thick, heavy techno beats that you can dance to. The beats in the music are usually well in sync with Steven pumping a bunch of Japenese girls with his 20 inch dick. In one of his famous pornos Aikido in a Speedo, there's a ton of disco porno music playing the background and he's dancing the whole time while only wearing a pink leather speedo (with his hair in pig tails). His most common move is having his legs more than shoulder length apart and shaking each outstretched arm up and down with his hands as fists.
*Hears a funky techno song playing in the background*
Sounds like Steven Seagal Porno Music!
18👍 4👎
The Worst Insult You Can Call Someone, Synonyms Include Delusional, Insane, Ridiculous, Sexist, Aikido Master & Friend Of Putin.
Person 1: Get Outta Here, Steven Seagal
Person 2: *Audible Horrified Gasp*