Academic Crotch Grab

When you get a hand job during school. In class.

"Dude, I totally got an academic crotch grab by Brittany in 3rd period!"

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Academic Pick me

A person that doesn’t put in any effort at school or work and then complains when they are failing.

Jason: why am I failing English?
Katie: you haven’t read the book and you haven’t even started the paper that’s due tomorrow.
Jason: but I don’t understand why I’m failing!
Katie: It’s because your an Academic Pick me!

academic review article

Noun. A useful consolidation of material scattered across various sources. Arguably, this definition could also be applied to a vacuum cleaner.

This academic journal publishes academic review articles on subjects related to the field.

Academic buzz saw

When a teacher or professor purposely asks a hard question and forces a student to answer it. The student will likely get the question wrong and suffer mild to moderate humiliation in front of his or her peers. It is like being cut into pieces by academics

Professor: "How could Einstein's theory of relativity be disproved using basic calculus? Anyone? Come one, stick your head into the academic buzz saw."

Academic Masturbation

Any academic work or activity that is not completely necessary yet feels good to most; Usually the teacher

After sexually relieving myself I realized I had to get on with that Academic Masturbation of a critical thinking assignment that was due the next day.

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academic birthday twin

Somebody who shares the same birthday and doctoral supervisor as you.

Cian and Hieu are academic birthday twins.

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academic welfare

Attending college primarily to live off of student loan funds. The motivation for a poor person to become a professional student.

My parents are proud I'm going back to college for my masters degree, but the truth is that I can't find a job and am going on academic welfare.

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