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Random
A bowel movement so intense in velocity that water from the toilet bowl splashes the genitals and anal cavity.
I hate it when I shit so hard that I get a country bidet.
When a man and a woman are having intercourse and the man pulls out and pisses inside the woman’s asshole.
“The sex was great but I had to piss so bad so I pulled out and gave her a dirty bidet!”
Taking a shit and then hopping in the shower and using the shower to clean off your butthole, preferably with a jet setting.
Yeah, toilet paper is a scam. I just hop in the shower and do the ol' american bidet and then use a little soap.
The act of shitting in your side-loading washing machine, then using it to clean yourself.
Theres a line for the bathroom, I guess it's time for an American bidet.
Getting a dog to lick ones butthole after going number two.
My colleague Josh trained his labrador to give him an American bidet--- god damn, you should see how happy the dog is afterwards.
When you have run out of toilet paper and you call your cousin Cletus or equivalent to come and do you a solid and use his stream of urine to clean your chocolate covered starfish.
“Yeah I ran out of toilet paper and I had to give my cousin a call to come and give me an Appalachian bidet to get clean.”
When you poop and it plops into the water and splashes your bottom.
"That just splashed all over me!"
"Poor man's bidet"