State of Imaginary Emergency

A self-serving, artificial condition created if for no other reason than to satisfy unrealistic, unsupported, unmet campaign promises; based on equally imaginary 'facts' it stands as a true testament to an utter disregard for due process, a flagrant contempt for Constitutional law and perfectly defines presidential abuse-of-power.

Hey, no government shut-down 2.0!

Look out for the infantile State of Imaginary Emergency...

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Emergency chocolate bar

The chocolate bar you keep in your backpack, purse, or work desk to eat on a really horrible day.

Th emergency chocolate bar takes some self restraint as it cannot be eaten for any regular chocolate craving. It may stay in your bag/purse/desk for months but you will be glad it is there when you need it.

Melissa: I had such a horrible day, thank god I have my emergency chocolate bar.

Emergency anal evacuation

An intense need to vacate your bowls. IE shit.
Is usually accompanied with stomach aches.

Usually but not exclusively involves explosive diarrhea.

Dan: Dude where were you earlier?

Steve: i had some bad sushi and had to execute and emergency anal evacuation.

Emergency Dance Party

Used to break an akward moment, or just in times of boredom. One simply yells emergency dance party and counts down from five and starts beat boxing. Everyone there starts dancing for a period of about ten-thirty seconds.

So then i whipped it out... cough...um, emergency dance party! Five, four, three, two, one!

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emergency alert system

A scary civil defense broadcasting system. This system used to be called the emergency broadcast system (EBS), which used to be called CONELRAD. The "scary" part is the 3 beeps, which encode the alert, and the 8 second attention signal ( from EBS). Then, in either a robot or human voice, info is given. During the weekly tests, there is no voice. There is during monthly tests, though. The "robot voice" is on alerts from the National Weather Service, but on rare occasions, a human voice will be on weather alerts.

Coming up next on Cartoon Network- *Screen goes black for 5 seconds*
*3 beeps that sound like "duck farts"*
*Attention signal*
Announcer: This is a monthly test of the emergency alert system. If this were an actual emergency, the alert tone you just heard would be followed by instructions and information. This concludes this test of the emergency alert system.
*3 more "duck farts", only shorter than last time*

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Climate Emergency

Barbra, Leonardo, Jane, Arnold, Greta, Bono, Amal and Al are in an elevator but someone trumped.

The first climate emergency was called and everyone flew home in their private jets except Greta who was left in the shit.

Meanwhile at Dr Evil’s ad agency.

“I think they’re on to us but we must stay one step ahead. First there was the “ice age”, then “global warming”, “climate change”, “no Planet B” and now “climate emergency”. I think maybe it’s time for “scorched earth” that will tax them.”

“Who is behind this “climate emergency” campaign?”
“Rich old farts.”

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Nail polish emergency

The tension that arises when a chick gets herself into a snit about something which is actually minor. If it had been a real emergency, it would be followed a PSA.

Realizing at the last minute that your best friend had borrowed the skirt the you were planning on wearing tonight is a nail polish emergency.