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Crisp $20 bills that come from ATM's in the burbs. These bills are often used to buy pointless items that suburbans don't really need.
Suburban 1 - Hey man, wanna hit up a movie and get some food?
Suburban 2 - sure, just gotta hit up the ATM and get me some suburban food stamps!
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The Suburban Blues Dad --Sections 1-3:
SECTION 1. Outward Appearance:
Goatee/mustache combo, always trimmed to a neat level. Sometimes balding and still trying to rock the long hair.
Over 50, but can be as young as 35.
Summer: "cargo shorts," "mandals", wearing a polo shirt with an embroidered company logo on it. Seldom tattooed.
Winter: Spotless Wilson's leather, recent tour t-shirt from Rush, Jethro Tull, and jeans are relaxed-fit and pre-faded. Also seen with "dockers" trousers.
Seen in Brewpubs with cougar wives the only ones dancing.
SECTION 2--Instrumentation:
Guitars: Fender "strat" or "tele"--spotless '57 reissue
Any Paul Reed Smith guitar
Bass: Any Bass with over 4 strings, period.
Chapman Stick (anyone who plays this should be shot anyway)
Amplification: Trace Eliot, Roland Jazz Chorus, and/or Hartke equipment.
Other Amps: All reissues.
Drums--Too many and too expensive for ability level. If he sings "harmonies" (see below) he tends toward the headset mic.
Keyboards: Too loud and usually shitty sounds.
SECTION 3: Choice of Music:
ALWAYS: anything SRV, and/or a cover of "Little Wing." Also George Thorogood. Dead giveaway signs.
OFTEN: Skynrd, and various other southern "bluesy" bands.
SELDOM: Any song under 10 minutes.
My brother got married, had a couple of kids, moved out to Woburn and became a Suburban Blues Dad. Now he plays once a month at some brewpub up there.
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A very tall tale, sometimes (but not always) based on a tiny shred of truthful information, which is spread like wildfire and continuously embellished along the way, throughout the Wilson School District in West Lawn, PA. Wilson Suburban Legends (WSLs) are the apex predators of local fake news.
"Did you sign the petition to stop the from starting school 2 weeks earlier on Change.org?"
"Of course not! I know a Wilson Suburban Legend when I see it!" fake news
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viewing professional fireworks displays from second level or master suite/retreat windows from ones air conditioned and pest controlled suburban home or friends/neighbors in order to avoid the elements and traffic.
Children get in the car we are going on a "Suburban fireworks safari" at Mrs. xxxx's.
Kids:But why? Because it is too hot, there are too many mosquitoes and too much traffic.
You can see the fireworks from her bedroom window! Because Mrs. xxxx's window in not blocked by a full grown tree.
To thoroughly wash your car, followed immediately or shortly after by rainfall
"My car is looking so fresh and so clean!"
"Sho is, too bad there is a huge rain cloud heading this way. Looks like you just did the Suburban Rain Dance"
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A Mysterious Car that appeared only a couple times in Opposer Vr
Yo dude, check out that Opposer Suburban, I hope it doesnt crash... WACKY NO!
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a form of degenerate idiot who pulls into a parallel parking spot front end first, in drive.
Jim: Holy shit, I see a spot!
Mike: Are you going to pull in front end first??
Jim: Yeah man, we are LATE for Steak Night™!
Mike: You, sir, are a suburban parking asshat.
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