Jesus Christ

Best man that ever lived. He died on the cross for you and me :)

Jesus Christ is the best! <3

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dark lord jesus

When Jesus decides to pull a Morgan freeman So he can fuck black bitches

john: Man Dark lord Jesus sure is one for them black bitches

real jesus tears

Real Jesus tears is when something very truamatic has occurred and you begin to cry. The tears are not the same at just crying though. When you cry real Jesus tears you can feel the pain and suffering in your chest and stomach.

I failed my final exam, when I got the paper back I cried real Jesus tears.

Jesus v. Deities

The theological or theomatical equivalent of an identity versus an equation—it is like comparing the infinite solutions of Christ to the extraneous or faux solutions of gods and goddesses.

Without Christ in the equation, it’s just an expression; a false prophet or guru would offer a faux or extraneous solution with quasi-zero suspicion from the flock they’re leading or deceiving—this is why people need to learn about the spiritual truths in the “Jesus v. Deities” eternal war.

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You need Jesus!

Its the act of telling someone they need a whole lotta help; referring to people who are way past the point of return

Bethany: I have a foot fetish
Mike: You need Jesus!
Bethany: OMG I know

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Jesus Christ and a half

Sometimes saying Jesus Christ just isn't enough...

Guy #1: Homie... you got a buck or two I can borrow?

Guy #2: Jesus Christ and a half, Carlo! How many times do I have to fucking tell you? I'm done lending you prostitute money.

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Soy Sauce Jesus

the coolest guy on this fucking planet. vegan and a massive worshipper of unity diner. has the best clothes the world has ever known, and is liked by almost everybody, unless you are called henry. if you meet a soy sauce jesus, be sure to spam comment soy sauce jesus.

gillon: hi lewis
lewis: omfg its a soy sauce jesus, i gotta spam comment asap

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