Jack off all trades

A person who does not use profession as criteria for choosing sexual partners

- How'd you swing that? I thought Jane only fucked above a certain income bracket.

Naa man, she's a jack off all trades

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E-Wank/E-Jack Off

The action of touching ones genitalia and jacking off to your own works or your own art, especially in front of everyone digitally.

Boy 1: *jacks off to his typed out role play on a forum*
Girl 1/Boy 1’s Alt: *roleplaying by himself*
Boy 2: I checked your IP address, and that “girl” is you, mate. You’re a total E-Wank/E-Jack Off.

Jack Off o’ Lantern

A carved pumpkin used to simulate fellatio.

The Jack Off o’ Lantern is moist from use.

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i'd rather jack off to pasta.

Express disapproval or malcontent for a proposed idea.

"Dude,you want to go to Ohio?"
"Man, I'd rather jack off to pasta."

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help your uncle jack off a horse

A capitalization error, the difference between "Help your Uncle Jack off a horse" and "help your uncle jack off a horse"

Cowboy 1: Hey, partner! Go help your uncle jack off a horse!
Cowboy 2: How many times do I have to tell you, it's "help your Uncle Jack off a horse!
Cowboy 1: Oh, sorry for making that homosexual grammar error!

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You can go jack off with that knowledge

What you say when someone states something that we all know and dont need someone to tell us. Used as an insult.

A: Eminem's white.

B: Yes he is, you can go jack off with that knowledge.

A: Tupac's dead.

B: Yes he is dead, you can go jack off with that knowledge.

A: Miley Cyrus is a slut.

B: Yes she is, you can go jack off with that knowledge.

A: The Jonas Brothers are gay.

B: Yes they are, you can go jack off with that knowledge.

A: Lil Wayne is a terrible rapper.

B: Yes he is, you can go jack off with that knowledge.

A: Jessica alba is hot.

B: Yes she is, you can go jack off with that knowledge.

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jack you off

When a person, male or female, tends to stroke your penis until you get off. Otherwise known as a handjob. It is another way to have someone else masturbate you when you really do not want to have sex.

Last night Sarah asked me, "Can I jack you off? So, I said "sure".
"Wow, I really would love to jack you off, baby!"

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