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Somone who thinks their "tough as" but are usually seen crying because someones said something about their mum.
They are seen wearing branded sports ware, hoodies, track suit bottoms, "bling", cap, and the chavettes carry knock off handbags like "Channel" and "D&G", short skirts (with curry stains on them) high heels, huge hooped earings that are big enough for Dolphins to jump through, and hoodies (taken from their ex partners).
Usually hang outside take aways like Mc Donalds and Burger king, Parks, and on the streets.
Chavettes are mainly fat and get pregnant at the age of 12 and by the age of 20 end up with 14 kids with names like Mercedes, Roxy, Brooklyn, Lambrini, Cherri, Chantelle, Preston (seen as a classy name for a baby chav), Klloee (Like Chloe), Clayton, Paris, Whitney, Chardonnay, Kandi, and Bentley
Chav: Awright baybe. How'z about we goes get a kabab and go clubbin'?
Chavette: Oi fuck aff! Ya know they wont let me in tha clubs, am only 14. Plus am feedin' for 2 now, go get me a large kabab.
Chav: Yahh awright. Oi! Lambrini get aurf that fuckin' dog!
*Baby chav Brooklyn pee's on carpet*
Chavette: Fuck me! Put 'im outside would'ya?
*Chav picks up baby and put's him in the garden. It is night time*
Chav 2: Ay! Look oo' it iz blud! *gives baby bottle of beer*
Chav: C'mon baybe. Letz go out "n" get pissed.
Chavette: Fyne! Put that Cbeebies on for em. That'll keep em' entertained. Fuck! That Tam keeps sendin' me textes (chav word for text) sayin' I stole 'er babeh (chav word for baby)
19👍 5👎
chavs are mongs, who try to act hard in front of people in thier little chavy gang outside McDonalds. But when they are on thier own in a fight, they run away!! stupid chavs!
''im a chav and im well hard. Lets go and steal a balloon from McDonlads,then we will be cool''
''lets go into the toilets in there aswell and graffiti, because we are well cool!''
''we are such chavs!''
36👍 12👎
A prime example of regressive evolution. What's left over now that Britain's working class has become middle class.
Chavs tend to be either skinny and physically underdeveloped due to excessive consumption of illegal stimulants and long periods running from the police, or morbidly obese due to a diet consisting primarily of any American Burger Corp's finest offerings.
Chavs can often be found loitering in large herds, engaging in a range of antisocial behaviour around urban landmarks such as bus stations, shopping malls or McDonald's - basically anywhere they may come into contact with normal folk whom they can try to intimidate from within the safety of the chav herd.
The Chav female, or chavette, reaches breeding age at the age of 9, at which time her pregnancy to family friend "Uncle Dazza" (aged 26) may be publicised on the front page of the Sun newspaper. This may also lead to an appearance on daytime TV and a period of incarceration for "Uncle Dazza".
Bizarrely (see mating section below), elders in Chav communities often have an obsession with Paedophiles ("Pedos") which is often whipped into a frenzy by the British Tabloid press. This prompts one of the Chav communities' quaintest customs - "Pedo" outings, at which Chav young are taught the basics of identifying and dealing with Pedos by (generally female) members of the Chav community. During this event, which often run in summer and take the form of a kind of community Festival, everyone from "Paediatricians" to "Podiatrists", or even just slightly beardy middle aged men, can expect to have their windows smashed, their property vandalised, or possibly even their bodies beaten by a horde of placard wielding, chain smoking Chav grandmothers (even though most of them are barely out of their 30s). In light of this, many civil libertarians are alarmed at government moves to publicise the names of known "pedos" to the communities in which they live. It is likley, however, that identifying an offender will involve a form of higher brain activity, such as reading long words, thus mollifying a significant element of the vigilante threat. Generally, middle aged men with scratchy beards and hygiene problems should avoid Chav communities during "Outing" festivals, as should anybody called Pete, or with a "Ped", "Pod" or similar in their job title or name.
Chavettes are known for their fecundity, and can typically be expected to have a brood of 4 children to unlocatable or jailbird fathers by the age of 17, thus allowing them a range of state support and childcare, freeing up more of their time to loiter in chav herds seeking out new breeding partners whilst "mashed" on alcopop.
The mating ritual for a chav is interesting, particularly in so far as there is often a substantial age difference between the male and female breeding partners (often a decade or more in favour of the male). The male is generally either a relative/ close family friend of the female, or a complete unknown. Usually, mating begins when the male identifies his partner amongst a crowd of loud female chavettes in a communal setting such as JD Whetherspoons. Her receptiveness is often signified by the role of belly fat protruding from her boob tube, the shortness of her skirt, the taughtness of her Croydon facelift, her willingness to flash her diamante thong on demand, and above all her level of inebriation. Once he has identified her as likley to be compliant, the next step is to ply her with more alcohol, and see off competitors with a series of intimidating stares, or even violence if neccessary (although this may result in an early exit from the mating arena). Mating is usually in a secluded location (e.g. bent over the wheelie bins outside).
After a gestation period, usually of 9 months, the Chavette gives birth to an underweight baby who is often addicted to nicotine from the womb. She will typically name her young after a Movie star, boyband member or footballer (Romeo, Jordan, Keanu etc.) or after the place he was conceived (Cinderellas etc.). It is rare for the male Chav to have any part in the upbringing of his young, prefering instead to lodge on a succession of friend's couches until the CSA can no longer locate him and responsibility for his genetic legacy is duly passed to the state.
Chavs can be upwardly mobile. After a short spell in a correctional facility, many of them dispense with twoccing cars and may find cash in hand work as a doorman or labourer. Some of them may graduate to owning a white van, thus signifying that they own their own business or have a contract, which they will then use to tailgate other road users around the main roads of Britain whilst making oscillatory hand gestures.
Listen to the sound of Urban Britain... Can you hear it? Yes.. the sound of Police helicopters... the sound of "Pedos" gently having their windows smashed to a crescendo of jeering.... the sound of a 5 year old boy being mauled by his drunken chav father's pit-bull terrier as he dozes off to the football on sky......
25👍 7👎
chavs are annoying little pricks who hang round in massive tribes. they invest in buying the stupidest fakest jewlry and when they take the female chavs to the cinema, if the plot is anything more intelectual than your plotless americain pie, the chav and his chavettes brain will explode.
ways to spot a chav:
-if you see a crappy old car, with mods which make it comically stupid looking, and blacked out windows, expect a chav to be behind the wheel.
- their trademarked cloths. no one could think to wear the stupid burberry caps and nike tracsuits as these chavs and townies.
- the way they walk. you see them 'bowlin' it down the high street, they remind me of apes (primative roots), or someone bending over to scoop up cash, after all they are complete pikeys
(it is hard to tell the difference between male and female chavs, so i tend to treat them all as the same gender. the only difference is that female chavs seem to be on their periods 24/7.)
older people, 17- 21 will be confronted by a tribe of chavs from time to time, who will either want to mug them, or give them money to buy some fags and booze (fags to make them look hard, booze to get them all drunk, 1 bottle will be plenty)
world famous chavster big-boy 50 cent was bottled off at reading this year, serves him right to try and turn all the punk rockers there into chavs. i would like to go beat him up, but looking at his teeth,i think someone beat me to it
46👍 16👎
a twat. usually tries to act like thay are black when they are clearly white. can be found outside or inside mcdonalds or near a JD sports. usually wear baggy tracksuits that hang round their arses which make them look like they shat themsleves. listen to shiity chart hiphop e.g 50 cent, sean kingston, rhianna and all that other shit. sometimes hang around camden just to shout abuse at the passing by emo poofs and faggoths. talk about big brother and im a celebrity... have no sense of taste or originality and usually follow what is popular. also they talk like knobs.
chavvy white boy:yo G. wats gwan'in. u is lookin buff in ur battyriders innit. wanna cum down 2 mcdonalds and set my sum head. dont be scared by my small penis and 1 blond pube doe. bruv!
slaggy chav girl:yh bruv. ill link u buh i wanna meet up wid ma chixx.
17👍 4👎
The Chav (or Lamo Inferior) is a sub species of baboon which has somehow learned to do a feeble imitation of the English language and live among the British as parasites.
The origins of the word chav are unclear. Opinion is divided as to whether the word is a corruption of the Romany word "chavi", (roughly translating as "child") or an abbreviation of the word "Chatham," a town, like many in southeast England, with an inordinately high proportion of these creatures.
The chavs themselves are thought by many to be the result of some sort of bio-terrorism or the accidental release of biohazardous materials from a research facility located near a McDonalds "restaurant."
The females (or "chavettes") can be identified by absurdly large hoop earrings and incredibly tight scraped-back ponytail hairstyle. The male is the same size as the female but tends to wear tracksuits with hood up in all weathers or pink/powder blue/hooped polo shirts with collars turned up.
Renowned for cowardice, aggression, and a tendency to breed like the head lice they keep as pets (along with Staffordshire bull terriers.)
The mating habits of the Chav revolve around the males driving around urban areas in small, cheap cars filled with sub-woofers blaring out repetitive random noise and hooting sounds. This mating call can be heard for many kilometres. The unfeasably large hoop earrings on the females vibrate and jangle in response to this noise, letting them know that a potential mate is somewhere in the vicinity.
The chav is a highly territorial beast. Like most lower primates, getting too close or making eye contact is hazardous and often results in them attacking you. Although they are physically weak, they always attack en masse often using some form of crude tool for bludgeoning or cutting. In smaller groups they are only likely to attack if they sense fear/weakness or if you turn your back on them. They tend to congregate in huge groups, very much like the Gelada baboon, their closest relative. This phenomenon is most commonly seen in shopping malls, fast food restaurants, city/town centres, Spanish/Mediterranean budget holiday destinations and cheaper forms of public transport.
For some reason, chavs are a protected species in the UK and are never culled and only rarely incarcerated by the authorities. Fortunately, there are many citizens action groups trying to rectify this situation.
The only people known to like chavs are misguided knee-jerk liberals with a below average grade in social studies who have probably not yet had any family members or friends killed/raped/mugged by this brand of infectious, sub-human waste. It is possible that the chav lover misconstrues the hatred of chavs as a class issue. This is a misconception on their part, as many chavs are in fact semi-retarded, middle-class teenagers who have decided to live as baboons since they cannot function in true human society.
"The social security office is crawling with chavs."
"Father of three beaten to death by a group of chavs in an unprovoked assault. This is the third such incident this week."
"The average IQ of a chav is well below the human average."
17👍 4👎
The Chav is a rare breed of imbecile who communicate to each other through incomprehensible grunts.
They can usually only be fully understood by other Chav's and will rarely acknowledge anybody in a friendly manner out of their own 'crew' with anything other than a firm nod and the occasional "rate" as if to ask the recipient if they are "alright today".
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Females Chavs:
Insist on wearing giant hoop earrings of a colossal size made out of some cheap gold equivalent that turns their skin green.
Their necks accommodate the dreaded "Sovereign" necklace with an engraved picture of someone that they actually know nothing about.
They like to wear velvet tracksuits consisting of pastel shades usually with some kind of untrue motif on the back stating something like "Princess Forever".
They have not done their make up correctly unless their face is a ghastly shade of orange which makes them look like they've been spawned by two Umpa-Lumpa's from Mr Wonka's chocolate factory.
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Their hair is usually one of three styles:
1/. Scraped back into a ridiculously tight pony tail and secured with 10 thousand scrunchies.
that went out with the Spice Girls. They then finish the common female 'Charver Barnett' by using 5 cans of cheap sticky hair spray to turn their fringes into a rock.
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2/. They sometimes claim to have gone to Tony & Guy for a hair cut even though everyone around them knows that they are a crappy liar because of 2 things:
a/. Their Dole money won't cover a hair cut in that place unless their kids are fed on 9 pence baked beans out of the tin.. AGAIN.
b/. Their hair looks like they used the bathroom bleach on it religiously everyday for the past year. It resembles the straw from Farmer Briggs field that they walk past on their way to the Post Office to cash in their Dole Giros.
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3/. As flat as a 5 year old's chest with nasty cheap highlights in.. Clearly they wait until they acquire a little sun and then drench their hair with lemon juice and wait for the awful Halloween horror effect to set in.
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Female Chav's have adopted the habit of getting Medusa's (a kind of lip piercing) only instead of wearing nice little silver balls they think it looks attractive to wear whopping great faux gold ones that look like nasty spots pussing.
Of course they have to put up any spots/zits they receive as Boots the Chemist finally wised up to bottles of Oxy going missing and finally added store alarms.
They qualify for free things like achne specialist stuff but the doctors got so tired of the constant visits from the 18 year old mother with 5 children that they got kicked off the panel.
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Male Chavs:
Usually find it 'cool' and 'hard' to wear a small gold hoop in their ear or sometimes a small 'blinging' diamond.
They wear huge, thick fake gold chains as if trying to pull off that 'Mr T' look.
They too, are fond of wearing tracksuits like their female counter-parts only it is of major significance that the sport name logo or trade mark is showing to demonstrate to OTHER Chav's how much of their 'well ace' Dole was spent this month.
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Their hair is usually one of two styles:
1/. The classic skin head 'I'm well hard' look.. Sometimes sporting some kind of bizarre shaven lines in random patterns forming their favourite football team or the Addias symbol etc..
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2/. Short and with lot's of 45 pence gel spiking it up.
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Male Chav's like to adorn themselves with anything that they think might have the ability to make them look toughened.
A fine example of this is the way they tilt their caps (usually burberry) to a high angle as they believe this increases their style of trying to be obdurate.
It actually just makes them look like a twat although they are too dense to see this.
They are very competitive in the world of racing other Chav's in seeing who can keep their trainers in the most immaculate 'Snow White' condition, or who can show the most Adidas stripes.
It is of uber importance that their tracky bottoms are tucked into their socks as some kind of social trade mark of acceptance within the Chav mainstream.
You will usually hear them say something a long the lines of "Wot da fook u lukin at" and "Ya fookin startin? I wil bang yaz out innit"
This normally translates to "Excuse me friend, but are your eyes appearing in my general direction? I would very much like you to avert them as I am terribly afraid of anything 'different'.." and "Although you have actually said nothing, I perceive a slight movement from your head as a signal for me to open my mouth and utter wasteful words upon you. I will not actually physically assault you myself, what I actually mean is I will round up 10 of my cretinous buddies and I will let them intimidate you and do my donkey work for me".
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So yes, I conclude that the 'Chav' is just an uninformed, unintellectual waste of human life.
They continue to produce more offspring which will grow up to be as simple-minded as the previous futile generation. They will grow to be Dole fodder or if they're lucky.. Maybe acquire work in a fast food place. FOREVER.
Their aspirations and dreams consist only of purchasing the next ugly gold chain from the market or buying more cigarettes from the local corner shop.
They cost us time, tax and tears yet do not show any thanks except only to waste more of our time and so-forth. Anything that is remotely 'different' to them or considered as being a 'minority' is automatically WRONG in their eyes.
They are ignorant and close-minded because they lack the capacity to understand anything else beyond their own moronic world.
They are NOTHING.
..End..
21👍 6👎