distraction condoms

When you buy a pack of condoms on purpose to distract the cashier from the other products you are purchasing.

I need to buy some red thongs and rope.
Dude the cashier is going to think you're weird.
It's okay man, I'll buy some distraction condoms so she won't think about the other things I'm buying.

7👍 1👎

Hulked a Condom

When a man is too big for a condom that he goes all Bruce Banner and busts out of it HULK Style.

I just Hulked a condom for the second time tonight!

I should get Magnum XL's cause I just keep Hulking condoms!

Metaphorical Condom

A person that protects you from certain situations.

Person 1:Omg thank you so much for penetrating that group of people for me!

Person 2: No problem best bud.

Person 1:lol i guess you're my metaphorical condom.

Condom Sauce

The residue made of male semen and sometimes lubricant in the tip, or end of a condom after ejaculation

"Condom Sauce - is what's left on your dick, Condom Sauce -It'll make you sick, Condom Sauce - don't use it to cook, its 50% lubricant, and 50% guk"

13👍 1👎

Colchester Condom

Anal Sex. The method of birth control where insemination is avoided by putting your wang up the wrong hole. Derived from Colchester military prison in Essex, UK where presumably a lot of Brit soldiers do each other up the gicker.

Woman - "We're going to have to stop, I'm off the pill"

Man - "Don't worry about it love, I'll use me Colchester Condom"

57👍 11👎

ear condom

protection from speech that would otherwise offend you

Person 1: Didn't the teacher's stereotypical remarks offend you today?
Person 2: No, I always wear an ear condom in that class.

48👍 9👎

e-condom

A term used for all your internet security. Firewalls, Anti Virus, Anti Spam etc. All computers should have an E-condom.

Hey man, this Nortan Internet Security 2005 gives my computer a tough E-condom!

Don't let your computer get ITD's, wrap it up with an E-condom!

97👍 22👎