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The Scottish government's attempt at growing a totally loyal army of luminous teenagers who self - destruct after 20 years of illegal substances / women. Speak in own dialect derived from shetland, but with made - up swearwords.
Oh nut ya bam! Dinnae call me a NED or I'll pap ye and brick yer ma!
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NED which contrary to popular belief does not come from Non Educated Delinquent but actually stems from the shortening of the common term "ne'er do well" ned means different things to different places. In England it is chav. Even in Scotland varies. Glasgow Neds have knives normally and if you are in an area with Neds roaming about you are pretty much dead. Edinburgh, too refined to have neds supposedly. but they are there. if you look in the right places. Dundee neds are usually annoying and speak in annoying lingo but tend to be around 14 years old with three children. called brogan, dale and chantelle-marie. Funnily enough the alpha male system of the animal kingdom is in reverse in the Ned System as the smallest and most ginger person is usually the leader. whatever he loses in being the smallest person, he gains from being the biggest shit.
MALE ATTIRE - kappa. lots
FEMALE ATTIRE - Anything that hurts the eyes.
you- (minding your own business)
ned- you talkin' about me??? eh? eh? eh? 'mon then? ya poof? eh? eh? eh? you gee'in us cheek? meh brither shot a lassie last week and e'll get yeh. you think em leh-in? then e'll smash yeh.
you - what?
ned - @£$*(*&*()(*&*(*&^*%$£$%^& (ned talk)
(An excerpt I had in an altercation with a ned because i "looked at him like he was a poof", to unnamed ned. if you are a poof, it is a life decision, and i accept that and i am not out to argue with that because i just don't mind. just make sure you tell chantelle-marie or whoever before you leave her for a toyboy so she can deal with the three children. but hey i will be paying for them anyway!)
(i'm not a snob, just can't quite see what i did to provoke him... i'm harmless really)
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the male: usually very thin, wearing a berghaus jacket, trakies tucked into socks, cheap(fake) lacoste trainers, hair that looks like it could land a plane, uaually stoned and drunk(oot der heed man) and would shag anything with a pulse as long as she is a nedette
the female: either very fat or very thin, face that has been plastered with a brand of foundation that has been produced from the tango factory, wearing very little clothes that show off the eight month old bump, wearing three or more fake gold rings on every finger, at least two 3" thick chains sportin someone elses name and usually found on the end of a male neds cock.
similarities: are usually found standing on random street corners drinking cheap alcohol called buckfast or md 20-20, every second word is fuck or some other random word that is intended to offened but no one knows what it means
look at dat big mad scary goff man, am gonnae chibb u ya baw, aye a fucked yer maw last night n she wis luvin it man
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Hang about in parks and housing estates modelling their finest track-suits, Berghaus jackets and Burberry cap aimed at the moon. A bottle of Buckfast in one hand and the other usually down the "trackies" of a female companion, The female ned dresses in the same atire but has a "tango" coloured face, white arms and an arse as wide as a taxi with a thong cutting through a sweaty layer of flab.
Older neds are called "Mad Tramps" or "Smelly Bastards" wear track-suits, white trainers, smoke roll-ups made with Drum tobacco and think its right the state foot the bill for their inability to earn wages because they are too stupid to even count their own fingers, barely able to make the toilet, yet could cover 100m faster than Usain Bolt to catch an ice cream van for "a boatle o ginger", Drum rolling tobacco and/or 20 Mayfair, a powercard and a 20lb bag of boiled sugar for their 8 month old "wean" for his dinner.
Smoke anything if it was brown, even shite if someone called it hash. And if they are not buying it, they are selling it instead.
Neds houses all appear to be decorated and furnished by the same person also (??) and are filled with, either stolen things or cheap tat, bought with ten-thousand billion percent hire purchase from Shitehouse and a stereo with only cd's of smurf-sounding rave music blasting, or Pink Floyd for the more cultured ned. Ugly, fat and pishy smelling at worst and avoidable at best.
Jeeves: I didn't get into that establishment. By jove one is miffed!
Wooster: Gadzooks! Why not, Jeeves my good man?
Jeeves: Because there was a roudy-rabble of rather inhebriated neds talking to me in the queue, one can only presume the door fellow assumed me as their companion.
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Scots : A young waster who lives in the Glasgow area; a hooligan; a gang member, with skip cap, tracksuit and socks tucked into trainers. Poss. from "Non-Educated Deliquent"
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A ned is a Scottish term for a male between the ages of 8 and 19 who enjoys wearing cheap, usually fake tracksuits, Kappa or Lacoste trainers, white football socks over their tracksuit bottoms, and of course a fake Burberry cap pointed skywards. They may also be seen wearing Helly Hansen of Berghaus jackets, depending on weather conditions.
Favourite pastimes of a ned include smoking anything they can get their hands on, drinking Buckfast ("Buckie") or cheap cider, such as the "White Lightning" crap you can get out of the Spar for £1.50 a litre, starting fights with random people, although never alone, they always start fights in groups ("Crews", "Fleetos" or "Yung Teems"), and shagging the female of the species, coined a "Nedette".
A Nedette is similar to a ned in both attire and pastimes, but instead of a normal Burberry cap, they wear pink Burberry caps, they have around 12 fake gold hoop earrings on each ear, and are usually accompanied by their screaming, butt-ugly toddler, to whom they gave birth at the age of 12.
Traditional Ned Battlecry:
Ned(to passing stranger):"Oi you ya bam. You bein' wide?"
Stranger:"Er......no?"
Ned:"Aye ye are. You deserve a slap"
Ned hits Stranger
Stranger:"What the f*** was that for?
Stranger hits Ned back
Ned(pulling out bread knife):"Me an' ma Crew 'ill f***ing wreck you!"
Stranger runs, pursued by 5 Neds with kitchen knives
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Neds are people who speak slang ,wear track suits, often lacoste. female neds: wear a foundaition a few times darker than there natural skintone resulting in an orange appearance.neds tend to wear a vast amount of common cheap gold jewellery. Neds r closely associated with chavs and bams.
neds can often be found loitering in parks under bridges or in other quiet and iscolated places drinking bucky/buckfast or cider and smoking. Neds often form gangs for there area they arrange fights with other gangs for no apparent reason. police hate neds and innocent people are often mistaken for neds , resulting in great hatred for the neds of glasgow and other areas.
ned1: awrite mate want tae go doon tae the shop the nite n gee sum bucky n that coz a heavey need a booze.
ned2: aye sound mate, want tae gee sum maddog n'all, gonnae be a pure buzz the nite.
ned1: aye mate am off tae meet ma burd catch'ye
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