literality

The quality or condition of being afflicted with a terminal inability to read-between-the-lines and only comprehend concepts and situations in a strict non-figurative sense.

She: “Hey sexy let’s go knock boots.”
He: “What do you mean?”
She: “Why don’tcha marinate the nether rod in the squish mitten…”
He: "You wanna what?"
She: “Wanna ‘Wham’ your ‘Oingo Boingo’ into my ‘Velvet Underground’?”
He: “Huh?”
She: “Come take the love luge on the inbound loin line”
He: “Pardon?”
She: “Tiptoe through my two lips…?”
He: “Ummm…I’m lost”
She: “Your literality drives me nuts...grab some imagination and gimme’ a clunge-plunge already!”

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Literate

Able to read and write in one's native language. The opposite of 'literate' is 'illiterate'.

You're not smart. You're not even literate!

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literally

literally, actually, really, seriously, not figuratively

Person: i'm literally a polar bear

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Liter

1. a unit of metric measurement
2. as demonstated in "Super Troopers", shorthand notation (in French) for 'gimme some fuckin cola!'

1.
damn, deez here litre bottlez is chuggalious

2.
Farva: you know what i want? a liter of cola. liter's french for GIMME SOME FUCKIN COLA!

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literally

People often confuse this word with figuratively.

-Dude, you figuratively died of embarassment, you illiterate dipshit.

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literally

A four syllable word used by monkeys to add emphasis and impress people. Monkeys who use the word don't understand what it means.

Dude: If that monkey says literally one more time I'll stomp him.
Chick: Literally?
Dude: Well, no.

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Literally

Often used on Facebook by idiots. Adverb carrying the meaning of 'figuratively'. In real life means 'literally'.

OMG my phone its literally blowin up wit texts rite now.

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