counting my monkeys before they're out of the trees

Assuming you will have something before you actually have it; similar to "counting your chickens before they hatch" (which is commonly attributed to Aesop).

"The Mariners could do better than expected this year."

"Let's not kid ourselves. Check your premises before you make a prediction."

"I'm assuming a number of things go right. Maybe I'm just counting my monkeys before they're out of the trees."

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my wet monkey

Wet = slippery, juicy
Monkey = love box, pussy, pleasure place
So....My Wet Monkey is My slippery, juicy love box
Also an adult website I think

My Wet Monkey is a juicy, loving sexual pleasure box.

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That’s my little monkey

A thing single moms say before showing someone who didn’t ask a picture of their child.

*waiting for meeting to start*
Fat Chick: That’s my little monkey *shows phone to co-worker*
Co-Worker: …

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smack my church monkey

The process of destroying a persons day or life, or it can literally be taken as "smacking a monkey that is employed by the Magisterium." Thirdly it can be taken as direct interjection of religion into a persons life.

Origins: the 2007 theatrical version of The Golden Compass, Where Nicole Kiddman lays the smackdown on a poor defenseless primate.

"Why are you always trying to smack my church monkey?"
"I shouldn't have done that, it feels like I just got smacked by a church monkey."

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Animal cracker in my soup monkeys and rabbits in it too

Better then your butt because it’s thiccer then you’ll ever be

hey I like your animal cracker in my soup monkeys and rabbits in it too
It’s thick

My monkey

the best person in the whole entire universe.. This person gives you butterflies with every word they say, you love them with your whole entire heart and would do anything for them...

I love my monkey..

just give me my monkey

A parody of "just give me my money!"

Person1:Just give me my monkey!
Person 2:Wheyyy!