Jewish by injection

(n.) a term used to describe a gentile, or non-Jew, who engages in intercourse with a Jew one or more times, thereby, becoming somewhat of an honorary Jew of sorts.

"Have you met my new girlfriend?"

"No. She's hot. Is she Jewish?"

"She is now, man. Jewish by injection!"

"Right on!"

1023👍 38👎

Jewish Goodbye

People trying to say bye to loved ones but keep bringing up ONE extra little thing, laughing/talking, and trying to actually say goodbye over and over but can't leave each other just yet

"Aw, darling, thanks for having me! Bye!"
"Of course sweetheart, thank you for coming and bring John next time!"
"Omg, I will! Did I tell you we're talking about a puppy!"
"AW! WHAT KIND?!"
(an hour later)
"But no, he's been a great cat and you and John should get that puppy you were talking about! Pets can be so great! Anyway, OK HONEY go! Haha, Love you, and stay off of I-10, there's a crash..."
"Ugh! I will! My sister just got her truck out of the shop for a crash on I-10..."
"Aw no! Is she alright? Does she know a guy? Hold up, let me give you a number..."
"This is the Jewish Goodbye of life! Haha! Last week at nan's house, OMG while you're writing that let me tell you..."

93👍 6👎

jewish piano

A pocket calculator

Slomo pulled his Jewish piano out to work out a price.

5👍 10👎

Jewish Workout

A Jewish workout is a term used to describe a session in a sauna. As referenced in the Seinfield episode - The Yada Yada (S8E19).

George: Hey, where you just at the health club?

Tim: Oh, well, I didn't do much. I just sat in the sauna. You know, it was more like a Jewish workout.

50👍 4👎

Jewish Louie

The legendary combo of getting a handful of that clam with your right hand, making a thumbs up gesture with your left, and saying niiiiice like Borat said it.

Did you hear Cole pulled a Jewish Louie on Melissa?

I bet that was a sight!!

17👍 2👎

Jewish Stocktake

The process by which a shopkeeper destroys their own shop in a self-lit fire, in order to claim insurance. The payout from the insurance is invariably higher than the projected profits from the shop.

Shopkeeper: "Business hasn't been doing so well the past two years."
Accountant: "Perhaps it's time for a Jewish Stocktake."

76👍 14👎

Jewish Dildo

a $5 roll of quarters.

- I need some change man..
- I'll give you a Jewish Dildo for five dollars.

37👍 8👎