watch my kids

The process of jerking off and cumming into someones eye

GUY: Im gonna cum
GIRL: On my face

GUY: Here watch my kids

2👍 4👎

my kids first apartment

Per The Family Guy:

Lois takes Peter to an Oral Sex learning retreat. Unknowingly Peter and Stewie have switched bodies in an unfortunate experiment gone wrong. Lois wants to show Peter where, “the kids first apartment is.” The rest of the family desperately tries to invert the process before Stewie has to, “Munch a Bunch of Fritos.” Which entails chomping on Lois kitty. Prior to the chomping of the kitty, the inversion takes place, only to show it was Brian in Peters body doing the chomping…

Let me show you, my kids first apartment…..

Drop my kids off at the pool

Taking a shit.

Be right back have to drop my kids off at the pool.

77👍 12👎

shoot my kids all over the place

A copious, nearly uncontrollable ejaculation, "the kids" being each individual sperm.

When I saw the stripper bend over, I nearly shot my kids all over the place.

33👍 15👎

oh snap, that's my kid's diaper money

Uttered loudly over a game of t-low, used to express the anguish and loss felt by an illegitimate inner-city father over the loss of his child's diaper funds to gambling or drugs. To be said with an urban accent. See hey, that's my cell phone

When Kyle saw that he had lost his two dollars, he jumped up and screamed "oh snap, niggah, that's my kid's diaper money!"

15👍 22👎

Karen Took My Kids Please Send Nudes

Im a male and im now single i was married to this bitch named Karen she took my 3 kids and moved to hawaii and now im living in my own garage cause im too scared to sleep in the house my dick is 3.2 inches and i like to watch furry porn please hmu if u wanna smash my name is Kevin.

Me: Karen please don't go i loved to sniff ur butt cheeks when u are asleep
Karen: Nigga u stole my beans and now im stealing the kids
Me on tinder: Karen took my kids please send nudes

55👍 2👎

i don't want that bitch around my kid(s)

used when the mother of child wants to manipulate the father in some way by depriving the father visitation and using the guise of it being "that bitch" the fathers girlfriend, friend, or any female the said mother is slightly jealous of or feels is leverage enough to use against said father

dad to baby momma: so can _______ come visit for the weekend, as outlined in our papers?

baby momma to dad: no

dad to baby momma: why? its in the papers... its my weekend!

baby momma to dad: "i don't want that bitch around my kid(s)", you can come see _______here at my house with my lame ass and then we can talk.

5👍 1👎