hand wipes

Monk the OCD detecive's problem. Must keep hands clean

I need a wip, Sharona his nurse

6👍 2👎

dick wipe

A sterilizing pad treated with human safe skin cleansing agents. Widely utilized by men on the go expecting an impromptu blow. Selfish men rarely use this male douche of sorts.

I met my lady friend after a hard day of work and she requested I swab a dick wipe before she proceeded to shove a cock down her throat.

26👍 17👎

maintenance wipe

When you feel an itchy wet sensation around your anus, a maintenance wipe would be necessary to clear the condition. Usually caused from not wiping good enough the first time or from ripping a wet one (known as sharting).

"My anus is wet and I need to wipe, this requires a maintenance wipe."

42👍 29👎

front wipe

The act of wiping your butt-hole from in-between your legs, rather than the tradition behind the back method. Usually resulting in smearing, ball berries, and everlasting virginity.

"I just tried the front wipe, and got crap all over myself."

9👍 5👎

phantom wipe

Wipe once nothing there, twice nothing. You’re starting to lose all hope in your ability to wipe yourself. Again you go in for a third wipe. And you see nothing there you begin to panic and wipe a fourth time nothing there. This is what is known as the phantom wipe. Any time you go to the bathroom and wipe yourself you check the toilet paper. If you don’t you should to make sure your getting all the … (well you know, crap). If you check and there is nothing there the first though the fourth time you just had a Phantom wipe. Or you do not know how to wipe yourself if this happens every time you go to the bathroom.

(Friend 1 has just come out of the bathroom) Friend 1: Hey dude I just had a Phantom wipe.
Friend 2: no way, those are so scary when you have the Phantom wipe.

10👍 4👎

Fag wipe

Literally, describes the paper used to wipe feces from one of the homosexual persuasion, but can be used, figuratively, as a way to insult your homosexual friends.

You collect naked male playing cards? You're a real fag wipe!

12👍 4👎

wiped it's face

a term used in auction used to describe something that has broke even

my golf club has wiped it's face on ebay

17👍 10👎