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The only man in history to have lost his virginity before his dad.
When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
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The almighty 'N' in the Alphabet of Manliness.
When children go to sleep, they check under their beds for the boogeyman. The boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off of a bat. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris bit the head off of a Batman.
Chuck Norris wins the game. (PS you just lost)
Chuck Norris knows where in the world Carmen SanDiego is. Also, he knows where Waldo is.
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
A long time ago, after eating too much corn, Chuck Norris took the two most massive craps ever recorded in the US. They are now called Nebraska and Iowa.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
In the bush, it is said that four things can kill you: an elephant, a leopard, a Black Mamba, and Chuck Norris. However, only with Chuck Norris is instant death guaranteed.
The Baby Boom was the result of Chuck Norris banging every American woman after kicking some Axis ass.
Chuck Norris can win a game of chess in one move.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a hill outside of Rapid City. It is now known as Mount Rushmore.
Originally, Chuck Norris was the answer to life, the universe and everything in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but due to copyright issues, the name could not be used. To keep his influence in the answer, Chuck Norris recommended the number 42, the minimum number of people that die from one of his roundhouse kicks.
The most effective form of suicide is typing 'Chuck Norris' into Google and clicking 'I Feel Lucky'
Keep your friends close, then Chuck Norris has to kill them before he gets to you.
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chuck norris is 1/8 native american. not because of ancestry, but because he ate a fuckin indian
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Chuck Norris is the strongest man alive.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
Chuck Norris owns neither microwave nor oven. When he is hungry, he simply shouts "BAKE" to his food, and out of fear, the food instantly catches on fire
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.
more....
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in case Chuck gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.
Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.
The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".
If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.
In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.
As a poor college student, Chuck Norris went to the local sperm bank to make some quick cash. He retired later that day.
God created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, God created Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?"
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins.
Originally Chuck Norris was going to be hired to play the role of Jack Bauer on the show "24". The producers changed their minds when they realized the show would last only 17 minutes.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
Chuck Norris once asked a person how to get to the gym, after the person told him, Chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face for telling him what to do.
When Chuck Norris claps, he doesn't use his hands. Rather, he finds the two closest people and slams them together repeatedly.
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another name for a tranny play on words of "chuck norris" due to the tucking of a penis to pretend to be a female.
man that amy marie things is a guy look out it should go by "tuck norris"
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The Reason God Said Let There Be Light, He was Afraid Of Being In A Dark Room With Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris sued MySpace For Taking The Name Of What He Calls Everything Around Him
The Reason The Tide Rises Is Not The Moon, It Is The Fact That Whenever Chuck Norris Is Around, God Pisses His Pants (For Non-Coastal Areas, This Is Also The Cause Of Rain)
It Is Widely Believed that Jesus Christ Was Chuck Norris's Stunt Double For The Crucifiction, Because Nails Can't Penetrate Chuck Norris's Skin
Chuck Norris Doesn't Shave, He Just Kicks Himself In The Face, Because Only Chuck Norris Can Cut Chuck Norris
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A dog killer. He stomped on his Dog and blamed the Dog for it's death. Apparently claims the Dog was "in the wrong place at the wrong time"
He is now only "relevant" because of his kids that him and his ugly wife exploit for money. He is also only relevant because of the funny slander on TikTok.
You just killed my Dog! Don't be such a Justin Norris!!!
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