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Someone really needs to flush and clean the Bidet's. They are really smelling nasty after the post-election douche.
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Bidet means 'little pony or little horse' in french.
A bidet is an accessory that resembles a toilet. It's not made to replace the use of toilet paper but rather to wash or jet blast the genitalia, perineum, anus and inner buttocks. Electronic bidets are wildly used by women and men across the globe to achieve mind blowing orgasms. While seated in a straddling position, the long nozzle is designed to reach the vulva and the tip of the penis. Men with larger penises are able to push the nozzle through the meatus which helps to expel any grizzled semen which may sandbag a plethoric blow. Women can push the nozzle into their vagina and ride the bidet like a pony while manipulating the water jet settings to stimulate the clitoris.
The newer models are all remote controlled with heating elements that blow warm air to dry the user. Illuminating night lights, heated seats, built in deodorizers and activated carbon filters which removes nasty odours are all added features to help achieve a hygienic orgasmic bliss.
Who needs a significant other when you can have a bidet.
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<hygene> The process of washing one's ass in a public bathroom. May require an accomplice to hold the door closed and better if documented on video.
"grab the door, I gotta go bidet"
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Incident in which you take a dump, and the toilet splashes you back in perineum. This is different from a regular bidet in that it's the toilet water that's splashing you, not a directed tap.
As a rule, this nearly never happens at home, and it frequently happens when you're forced to use a stall with overtly nasty waters or after you've already urinated.
person one: I'm a little worried. I had to use the portajohn at the airshow, and it gave me a spontaneous bidet.
Friend: Dude, you need to see your doctor.
When you drop a turd with the precise mass, shape and density at the just perfect speed, that lands in the water at the precise angle to send a large splash of toilet water straight back at your brown eye.
Pete: (from inside the bathroom) Awwwwww goddammit!!!!
Craig: (from outside the bathroom) Everything ok in there?
Pete: No, I just got a chunky bidet!
The combination of liquid and aerosol felt when an automatic toilet mistakenly flushes, post-business but pre-standing-up.
Student 1: (Audibly crying and whimpering in a restroom stall)
Student 2: Hey bro. Are you alright?
Student 1: (Behind stall door) No. I forgot to put toilet paper over the motion sensor on the toilet, and I got a Dirty Bidet... I have 4 more hours of classes! (Crying continues)
Student 2: (Shudders, shakes his head with sympathy, and walks away)
The act of a male using his urine in an upwards stream to clean the undercarriage of another person who is squatting over them.
After a long hot day of walking around the Inner Harbor, Ross discovered his ass crack had become excessively lathered in smelly bum butter. Upon hearing of the situation, ever helpful Jim volunteered to accompany Ross back to the hotel and give him a Baltimore Bidet.
"Ross, I've got a belly full of 'Natty Boh' and have enough pent-up piss to easily flush all the jizz infused dung-discharge from your ass crack!"