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An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman

A collection of jokes known mostly by residents of the United Kingdom which involve a man from England, Scotland and Ireland. The jokes are commonly long and end up with the Irishman being made a fool of or making the pun of the joke.

The jokes rarely involve Wales. Lucky Buggers.

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all invited to a Christmas party. In order to get into the party, they must bring something relevant with Christmas. On the day, the Scotsman turns up with a Christmas tree, so he is allowed in. The Englishman turns up and brings a cracker, so he allowed in aswell. Eventually the Irishman turns up also, holding a pair of ladies underwear. The guard at the door asks him, "What have they got to do with Christmas?"

The Irishman replies, "They're Carols".

by Mcmacmucsons January 2, 2008

42๐Ÿ‘ 12๐Ÿ‘Ž


THE FLYING SCOTSMAN TO DENVER

An opening move in chess. It is performed by throwing the heaviest piece on the board (usually the Queen or a Rook) at the back of your opponent's head when they turn around to get drinks. If successful, this move causes an instant checkmate and prevents the playing of any further games against this opponent.

Person 1: "Oh snap, he just used THE FLYING SCOTSMAN TO DENVER!"

Person 2: "Oh man, and it was SUPER EFFECTIVE!"

by cosmicllama December 10, 2010


scotsman's leg up

When you put one leg up on the toilet to face fuck a girl while chugging a case of IRN BRU.

MAN1:"My girl was over last night."
MAN2:"Oh really? What did you two do?"
MAN1:"I gave her the old Scotsman's leg up!"
MAN2:"Noice!"

by Nobody1011 February 11, 2016


talk a scotsman out of a penny

To be good at talking and indeed at convincing people to do your bidding through verbal means. Akin to the expression - "sell ice to the eskimos".

Historically an English expression, it originated because Scots are notoriously tight with money.

John: Wow that Henry certainly has a way with words...

Will: You're right! He could talk a Scotsman out of a penny.

by Kenwyne Jones May 3, 2010

7๐Ÿ‘ 1๐Ÿ‘Ž


Strawberry Scotsman

The strawberry Scotsman is a alcoholic cocktail constisting of 500 ml (~17.6 fluid ounces) of strawberry cider , and 2 shots of Scottish whiskey (assuming the whiskey is 40% abv)

Hey bro , I'll have a strawberry Scotsman

by gayostioporosis March 5, 2023


The Dumbass Scotsman

A person who's idol is Stig of the Dump. He loves to dress like a tramp and loves his Stig of the Dump cologne (Which has a scent of shit in it).

The Dumbass Scotsman normally has either a J or a K in his initials. In some circumstances a mixture of the two can cause serious malfunction of the persons common sense.

by wurly_45678 August 20, 2008


The Scotsman

Something that can happen during sex:
When the bed collapses, but you take a big swig of irn bru and keep banging.

Lana and i were fucking so wild last night that i pulled The Scotsman, now i need to buy a new bed.

by Gfield August 21, 2021