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Jesus

Jesus is the worlds most unique, powerful, amazing, bestest, and most incrediblest person you will ever meet. Jesus is a trustworthy, loveable, kind, playful, yet sensitive if you treat him poorly, he will devote himself in a unsuccessful matter that will be rather ashaming and disgraceful.
On the other hand, Jesus can be your best friend. He will treat you like royalty. If you know a Jesus, refer to yourself as you're quite lucky because Jesus is a rather hard name to find and distinguish. Jesus is the worlds most powerfullest name ever, and the most amazing name to ever be described.

Harold: I say, have you seen Jesus?
Elisiqea: Certainly!
Harold: If i may ask madam, where so may I find him?
Elisiqea: I was just talking to him myself sier, he was splendid and cheerful!
Harold: Indeed, Jesus certainly is the best so yet.

by Lastikal November 23, 2017

11๐Ÿ‘ 21๐Ÿ‘Ž


Jesus

The holy deity of Christianity, who's portrayal in the Holy Bible is a plagiarism of many preceding religions; most notably, Egyptian mythology. Jesus was no different from any of his followers or anyone before or after his time, yet the Christian Church, for want of money and a brainwashed public, teach his messages worldwide, and even go as far as to have their followers travel abroad as missionaries to attempt to persuade completely content people to throw aside all they have ever believed in to accept these new religious beliefs. Indeed, the death of Jesus the average Jew has drawn in billions of dollars to the Church, who, in turn, pays no taxes. In the words of George Carlin: "Religion easily has the best bullshit story of all time."

Me: "Hey man, why do you believe in Jesus?"
Ignorant Christian: "Because that's just how I was raised, and I, being the archetypal Christian, have forever sealed off my mind from alternate religious standpoints."

by Satan Johnson March 20, 2008

14๐Ÿ‘ 30๐Ÿ‘Ž


jesus

Worlds greatest con artist

Jesus: "I can walk on water, honest..."

by BoredGuy101 March 16, 2009

11๐Ÿ‘ 19๐Ÿ‘Ž


Jesus

prononoced Haysaus hay saus hay-saus a chump.

jesus (haysaus) does believe he is miraculous.

by batman and umpire atagachu January 14, 2021

24๐Ÿ‘ 57๐Ÿ‘Ž


`Jesus

The man you slept with last night.

I woke up and in my bed next to me was `Jesus.

by Jesus Christoher November 6, 2008

33๐Ÿ‘ 83๐Ÿ‘Ž


Jesus

An anti-war pinko and welfare state advocate who lived in ancient Israel.

Uninformed Reactionary Prick: Who is this Heyzeus fella? Sounds like a goddamned commie if ya ask me. Turn the other cheek..... what kinda pinko made up that bullshit?

URP #2: I ain't givin my hard earned money to them lazy poor people. What kinda bleeding-heart tree-humper came up with that idea? Jesus? Where'd ya here that from? The bible? Your pullin my leg.

by unpigeonholeable July 24, 2009

10๐Ÿ‘ 17๐Ÿ‘Ž


Jesus

Main character in Son-O-God comics. Worlds first Ophthalmologist/Orthopedist. Suspected communist.

Q. Why did Jesus cross the road?

A. Because he was nailed to the chicken.

by scut monkey August 9, 2009

9๐Ÿ‘ 17๐Ÿ‘Ž