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The majority of Americans...
*sigh* Such a pathetic country I live in....
Christians are fucking jackasses for believing that they can dictate how minority groups in the USA should live their lives.
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Usually a punk-ass Mexican kid who is the complete opposite of his name. (Also see "Angel"
That cholo Christian tried to fight me for no reason yesterday.
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A funny guy that likes to sing and listen to good music. Needs a girlfriend, who wants him?
"Look at Christian, he is craving the V!"
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WELL, HERE ARE 50 FUN THINGS FOR NON-CHRISTIANS TO DO IN CHURCH
1. Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class
and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."
2. A week beforehand, find a member of ACT-UP. Tell him the
scheduled sermon is entitled "Why God Sent AIDS to Punish
Homosexuals".
3. Put stray dogs in coat closets.
4. Un-tune the piano.
5. Replace the pianist's sheet music with "Stairway to Heaven".
6. Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666.
7. Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this
seat SAVED?"
8. Toss around a giant beach ball before service, like at
Grateful Dead concerts.
9. Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows,
hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: "Would
you rather be stoned or crucified?"
10. Hide copies of Hustler inside the pulpit. Point them out.
11. Start a wave.
12. Do cool things with the lighting.
13. When attendance is taken, sign on fake names like "Hugh G.
Rection" and "Oliver Klozoff".
14. Wear an ankh or a new-age crystal pendant.
15. When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh,
Christ! Are they gonna do another SONG?"
16. Make up your own words to the songs.
17. Twenty minutes into the service, look at your watch, stand
up, and say: "Oh shit. This isn't the wedding!" Run out
quickly.
18. Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.
19. If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF
YOU DON'T SHUT THAT GODDAMN THING UP SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL
IT!!!"
20. Dress all in black, or in camo.
21. Pierce the body of a tiny animal with stainless-steel wire.
Wear it in your ear as jewelry. If you are male, wear two.
Change sets for the evening service.
22. If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and
matching shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress
instead.
23. At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes.
Announce that you can see an image of Jesus.
24. Place blocks of dry ice near the air ducts. Take off your
shoes and socks.
25. Hide near the baptismal pool with a block of sodium. At the
first mention of "fire and brimstone", throw it in.
26. Inflate balloons, then send them off.
27. Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far
Side cartoons.
28. Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17).
Draw in asterisks and write exceptions at the bottom of the
page.
29. Make the sun reflect off your watch into the preacher's face.
30. Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the kitchen.
31. During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. If someone
asks what you're doing, tell them: "These are dinosaurs. They
ruled the earth over 65 million years ago."
32. Discreetly position a number of bottle rockets on the floor.
Discreetly light them.
33. Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being
stoned, especially Stephen.
34. Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate
on how good it is.
35. When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece
of paper with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.
36. Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of
me," and lick them.
37. Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"
38. Blow bubbles.
39. Fake a possession.
40. Distribute condoms.
41. Speak in tongues.
42. Ask where the nearest ashtray is.
43. Drool in the collection plate.
44. Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians.
After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of
Peleponnesians.
45. After a Catholic service, stand outside and tell Polish
jokes. When someone points out that Pope John Paul II came
from Poland, act embarrassed.
46. Show unusual interest in any reference to the word
"Ministry".
47. At a church supper, bring a casserole with a ring or piece of
a wristwatch embedded inside.
48. Overnight, have the stained-glass windows replaced with new
ones depicting comical, erotic, or death-related imagery.
Send the bill to the pastor.
49. Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon
you!!!"
50. Spread the word that there'll be a rave party at the address
of the church next Saturday at midnight.
- If you behave like a good Christian you will go to Heaven when you die.
- Well, I've been a slut all my life and I feel like Heaven every night.
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it's a religion that worships one god and all things nice and good. however, it was ruined by corrupt city officials putting bad messages in the bible, rabid followers starting huge wars over a nonexistent god, the idea that humans have to be "saved" because eve "ate the apple" or some dumb shit like that, the belief that all people who are not white straight christians should be killed and go to hell, etc. christians are known for their hatred, not the good and love they claim to practice. in short, complete blasphemy and If i could press a button to emliminate all the christianity in the world, i would do it. And all the ex-christians would thank me for freeing them from their unenlightened cult-like ways.
christianity is bullshit that says you are going to hell if:
you are not christian
you are gay
you look in the mirror too much
you eat too much
you have sex out of supposed "wedlock"
you don't do their hocus-pocus rituals
you exhibit any behavior which threatens the stability of their cult
you have an easy job
you don't kill any of the people mentioned above
you don't believe in god
gosh there's so many more i don't wanna bother.
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Loud, likes to club, always finds something to do, gives the BEST presents, and the life of the party!!!!
CHRISTIAN bought me a owl sweater for christmas :D
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A group of people who fall under extreme scrutiny on Urban Dictionary because a few arrogant air heads had a run in with an asshole (who happened to claim he was christian) and decided they will base a third of the worlds population off of that one or few people. There can not be an exact description of a Christian because everyone is different. Ideally, a Christian will follow the teachings of Christ and accept him as the savior of all our sins. A Christian will also respect all others no matter their belief, attitude toward life, or skin.
Many evil deeds have been done in history in the name of Christianity, but those actions were preformed ignorantly by those blinded by hate. Actions of that nature are not the teachings of God or his son Jesus and Christianity should not be based of of the mistakes of the few.
Hater: "you stupid fucking Christians just go die, you're nothing but a bunch of self richous assholes."
Sensible Christian: "I pray you find your way."
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