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noun. A slang term - often used by women in a jestful or derogatory manner - that condescendingly refers to a man’s best bro.
Derived from douchebag and frequently used in conjunction with a bromance.
Him: “I’m headed out for a few drinks. Be back later. Love you!”
Her: “Let me guess. You’re going to hang out with your douche babe again, huh?”
A person who is incredibly annoying as a salesperson, clerk, or bartender. Someone who is a douche about how much they are charging for something.
Charging a lot of money for something is not what qualifies an individual as a mercantile douche. The individual must get upset and defensive when you challenge or inquire about the pricing schedule of their product. Basically they will be a dick when you ask about the price of something, and act like they are personally offended by your question. This description of an individual is especially poignant when the individual that is acting as a mercantile douche is not the individual who sets the prices or actually receives increased revenue from the pricing schedule.
Bar Patron: "Hi sir, why does this IPA only get a 12oz pour but the pale ale is 16oz?"
Mercantile Douche: {launches into lengthy diatribe about the cost of brewing beer and state laws about alcohol consumption. also uses condescending tone and has hipster mutton chops}
Bar Patron: "Geez man, I was just curious... I'll take a pale ale"
Mercantile Douche: {ignores social cue from patron that he doesn't want or need the lecture and continues his butthurt speech about why you should pay the same price for less on the IPA, eventually does poor beer}
"Wow, I just asked that bartender why the IPA cost a dollar more than the pale ale. He got super butthurt about defensive and started lecturing me about the cost of making beer. What a Mercantile Douche."
n. Boss of a company who requires employees to do the dumbest of tasks. Looks for jobs like taking rocks out of a ditch and then putting them back in. Thinks he has things all figured out, but really it's the workers who make sure all the jobs get done right. Contains the word "douche" because a Douche Tard wants people to think he's an asshole, but really that's all just for show. When no one's paying attention, you'll find Douche Tards cooing over baby fawn and such.
Jon: "Hey Benny, what job are we working on today?"
Benny: "We're filling that hole back in that you dug out yesterday."
Jon: "Whatever Douche Tard."
When a male/female orally pleasures a female whilst on her period until said period blood has vanished.
"Dude, did you fuck?"
"Ya, but she was on her period. I had to tongue douche her first."
A ridiculously annoying, retarded, or
Dom: "My god, dude, Andy pisses me off around chicks."
Cody: "Yeah, dude, I know...he turns into such a douche...VICIOUS!"
Justin: "Piss me off...two pussies, two pussies, two pussies! Jack off, jack off, jack off!"
Andy: "You wanna go, Dom?"
Dom: "Yeah, lets go!"
(Andy dies.)
A douche is most often a male that is either up themselves, arrogant or snobby. A slang word for this is 'Caedan'
Jasmine: "Ugh, he's such a Caedan.."
Rachel: "yeah he's so cocky, what a Caedan"
Jasmine: "douche psht"