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The act of masturbating while on your period.
Cait: I haven't masturbated in 3 weeks, and now I'm on my period!
Nick: Dude, why don't you just have a red wank?
21👍 2👎
When someone masturbates to photos/video of the departed when they were still living
Dave: I heard Charlotte past away..
Shaun: yeah man it's really sad going to give her one last Ouija-wank for the road.
21👍 2👎
When a gorgeously fit woman with lusciously strong thighs straddles a man lying down on the floor and touching him with nothing but her hot, wet pussy, wanks his cock until he cums.
The housewife where I was working straddled my cock and gave me an awesome pussy wank.
47👍 7👎
A superior way of objectifying women.
Instead of the inaccurate number system, whereby a women is given a number based on their level of attractiveness between 1-10, she may be better objectified according to her performance, perceived or otherwise, in the sack.
Using the act of masturbation as a unit of measurement, a women may be ranked like so, in no particular order:
A Wank And A Half
A Wank And A Bit
A Wank And Three Quarters, if she’s really good.
And…
Worse Than A Wank
Based on a universal, non-esoteric unit of measure, the Wank Rank is the preferred Lay-person’s description of women.
Guy 1: Check her out, what do you think she is?
Guy 2: A 6, getting on to 7.
Guy 1: No, I mean what do you think she’s like, in bed?
Guy 2: Oh, you mean her Wank Rank?
Guy 1: Course.
Guy 2: A Wank And A Half?
Next day.
Guy 1: So, how was she?
Guy 2: In Layman’s terms, a Wank And A Quarter.
Guy 1: Ooh, I’m sorry.
Guy 2: Yeah, it was disappointing. I’ve got to stop overestimating chicks. Hey, I never heard what you thought.
Guy 1: What, you mean what Wank Rank I gave her in my head?
Guy 2: Yeah. You’ve always been better at placing women than me.
Guy 1: It comes with practice.
Guy 2: So what did you think?
Guy 1: Well, it’s kind of pointless now, seeing as how you’ve already had sex with her.
Guy 2: Well, I still want to know.
Guy 1: It doesn’t matter.
Guy 2: Come on.
Guy 1: You really want to know?
Guy 2: Yeah, of course.
Guy 1: Well… I kinda knew she’d be Worse Than A Wank.
Guy 2: What?
Guy 1: Yeah, you had a lot to drink last night, and you were seriously hung-over this morning, but yeah, she looked awful.
Guy 2: Worse Than A Wank? No way, she couldn’t have been that bad.
Guy 1: No seriously, she was like an inch of makeup, cancerously tanned and looks like she may have a venereal disease.
Guy 2: WHAT? And you let me take her home?
Guy 1: Yeah, sorry about that.
Guy 2: I COULD HAVE GOTTEN AIDS!
Guy 1: Yeah, it’s almost enough to make you stick to wanking, or go gay.
Guy 2: What?
Guy 1: I said it’s enough to make you want to abandon women altogether.
Guy 2: Are you trying to tell me something?
Guy 1: Yeah.
Pause.
Guy 1: I’m gay.
Guy 2: I gathered.
37👍 5👎
The achievement of masturbating to completion no less than seven times in any 24 hour period.
O lord, I've tugged my tool non stop today and just broken the wank barrier!
37👍 5👎
Pronounced:
w-a-n-k rou-elle
A Wank Royal is a fancy name for men loading into a condom
20👍 2👎
Wanking whilst sitting down and having a shit, as it makes the shitting far more enjoyable, and also much, much easier
Damn, I had a really good shit wank today....
Oh, that shit wanking makes shitting so much nicer and easier
I was turtling, and at the same time feeling really horny, so I sat down and had a good shit wank...
116👍 25👎