Random
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Random
1. A mythological peasant supposedly born to a deity father and a "virgin" mother who cheated on her fiancé with this deity, raised by this "virgin" and a carpenter, found out he was his own father and a deity's son at the age of 12, and lived a pretty much normal life until he was 30 years old. Became a magical teacher of morals (and simultaneously promoted some immoral aspects), did magical acts such as raise people from the dead, cure them magically, died on a cross for nothing he had done wrong, and became a zombie that appeared as if nothing ever happened.
2. A storybook character written in four different versions, all contradictory of and in themselves, plagiarized by each of the four "Gospel" writers, edited by the public over and over, all by secondary sources (no witnesses wrote these), who even chose what was real and what wasn't.
3. A recycled myth.
1. Jesus Christ doesn't exist.
2. These stories, to me, sound like Jesus Christ was just a myth.
3. Jesus is a recycled myth!!!
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Most likely one if the biggest badasses in human/spiritual history. Grade A pimp.
Reasons:
1. He was a LEADER, not a bitchy little follower.
2. His dad was god...enough said.
3. Probably fucked so many women he could acquire magical healing powers.
4. Walked on water before Chris Angel.
5. Even Chuck Norris thought he was badass.
O man that guy that sells coke is just like Jesus!
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Created man and woman with original sin. Impregnated a woman with himself so that he could be born into the world. Once alive, he killed himself as a sacrifice to his dad, who is also himself. Which also somehow saves YOU from the original sin he created you with if you accept him into your heart.
It gets much more confusing than that.
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an adjective meaning awesome or good
Doode, those shades are so Jesus!
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The world's greatest ever conman.
Jesus was the conman every conman since has tried to be. His skills were thousands of years ahead of his time which is how he was so convincing.
His incredible cons have managed to convince over 1 billion people that he was, in fact, the son of God.
Jesus turns water into wine. Everyone is amazed. What they didn't realise is that they were so drunk already that they didn't remember seeing him switch the barrels.
Jesus wakes the dead. Everyone is amazed. No-one saw when he slipped the guy who "died" twenty pieces of silver to fake his own death and then "awaken".
Miracles, my ass
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1. Don't worry it's all good.
2. That is the best or the bomb or the greatest.
3. Calling out your shot or try in a sport that will gain points for you or your team.
1. Yo man, It's all Jesus
2. Did you see that game, it was Jesus.
3. Shoot a basketball then call out: "Jesus" and the ball goes in for points.
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