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When you shout your Mum and then begin wanking.
The idea is you bolt your load before she opens the door.
"Mum"
"Yeah"
"come here"
(begin pressure wanking)
(Bolts load)
(door opens)
"Yes?"
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An unpleasant/painful experience, which could be likened to masturbating with sandpaper.
"Wasteman! That exam was like a sandpaper wank"
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To Ear Wank (verb) is the act of firmly inserting a finger into one's own ear and then fairly vigorously jerking the hand up and down.
The person who is "ear wanking themselves off" experiences an intense satisfaction; not dissimilar to, yet still distinct from, the same satisfaction experienced when scratching an unpleasant itch.
An Ear Wank (noun) comes from the verb, and describes the act of undergoing an ear wank.
Note that it is possible in theory to ear wank other people off, but due to the risks involved (eg. ear wax) it is rarely practiced and not widely accepted in Western Society.
Alex: "Tom... WHAT are you doing?"
Tom: "I'm ear wanking."
Alex: "Oh. Looks weird."
Tom: "Yeah."
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When you're a sad fuck and horny at the same time
Mike: god i wanna kill mah self
Tyler: why don't you just cry wank
Mike: *proceeds to kill himself*
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wank beam - a beam across a gap of which you aim for when you ejaculate
Hey man check that wank beam over there, i bet i can jizz on that bad boy!
An ugly, foul smelling narcissist who prays on good natured individuals. These types are often bi-as-fuck and will fuck and suck anything and anyone to make themselves feel better about their sad existence.
They have no real friends because everything they do or say is usually a lie.
Wank Weasels usually die alone.
Often termed as a Sweaty Nonce by some.
Person 1: Wank Weasel just employed another young girl.
Person 2: Damn! Another one?! He’s just a Wank Weasel.
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Masturbating to the lingerie pages of a clothing catalogue, as you did when you were 13 and couldn't get hold of proper filth.
Also handy for when you want a change of pace from mind-blowing internet-based grot.
(The Grattan catalogue was popular in the Uk about 15 years ago, and had a huge ladies underwear section.)
"Dude, I went old school and had a badass Grattan wank last night"