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Elisabeth: hey lauren, can we go shorts shopping now?
Lauren: *whispers angry things that they cant play on tv*
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Lauren is in fact, despite her conservative garb and the innocent appearance she cultivates, an Evil and Depraved Person. She is also, almost certainly, a Witch. Beneath her pale, fragile exterior lurks a sinister soul that loves playing Bananagrams with her friends, harbours a twisted appreciation for Bob Ross and his paintings, and possesses an unironic fondness for cats (!!!). This warped individual also works full-time as a Content Manager(!), lives contentedly by herself(!), dresses sometimes in dark colours(!), seems unashamed of her red hair(!), and wears, occasionally, a hat (!!!). Lauren appears to spend much of her free time reading books (witch!), tending to her plants (witch), winning at board games with her friends (witch), keeping her apartment clean and tidy, probably with the use of a broom (witch), and having the occasional glass of red wine (witch). She also probably occupies her time casting spells on people (witch) and, if chucked in a lake, would probably float like a duck. (Unless she decided to fly away. Which there isn't a law against her doing, but which would definitely be a Witch Thing For Her To Do).
Hence Lauren is, all things told, in fact an Evil Nefarious Being. Everyone else has it wrong about her. Avoid Lauren if you're not a Keen-eyed Gentleman of Discernment who's providentially resistant to her charms and spells!
1.
A: Hey Charles, was really sorry to hear you've not been able to find any work and that your car and belongings have been repossessed- are you alright?
B: No need to pretend to care, Lauren. No one else does, and at any rate I don't care what others think. I know thee for what thou truly art, false-hearted enchantress!
A: ... Ok wait, wha-
B: WITCH!
2.
A: I get it; I have red hair. But-
B: WITCH!
3.
A: I don't quite see why you think I'm a witch though. Are you quite certain you've taken your medica-
B: Doesn't matter Lauren if I've taken my meds; not relevant. WITCH!
4.
A: Alright Charles, you win. I see there's no deceiving such a skilled observer of the carnival that is life as yourself. I admit it: I am a witch. Tell me, what gave me away?
B: Thou needn't be too hard on thyself, Lauren. People are always saying that I see things that no one else sees. The wart upon thy nose gave thee away
A: Oh. Huh. Indeed. Just one thing though- I, er, don't have a wart on my nose?
B: Look; whatever, Lauren. Inquisiting Discernerer that I am, some things I just know, ok? Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've a salamander I need to feed slices of broiled pineapple to, whilst dancing a jig by the fulgent light of the waning gibbous moon. Go thy ways, weird woman. Aroint thee!
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A Lauren is a depressed someone who hates themself, has no self confidence, and is generally not ok, but they hide it all to keep from being a problem.
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The type of girl to say you asked them out even tho they did and then dump you then have the balls to try and get back together after her plans didn't work
Dude, Lauren rly just did that
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A dirty slut; One who insists on doing plenty of drugs, especially meth; Lauren is constantly being replaced with people that are way better than her in every aspect. Lauren fails at school and tries too hard to be something she's not. Shes a manic depressive, and is schizophrenic, so basically she is mentally unstable, and going insane. People should drop any friend they have named Lauren, before she influences you to do meth, like the meth head she is.
Girl 1: I fucking hate Lauren shes an ugly WHORE.
Girl 2: Ew, I know, and shes a massive meth head.
Girl 1: She should just disappear, no one likes her any way.
girl 2: I know.
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a complete whore that hits on every single guy at school
she has stupid-ass eyes, and a jelly-belly
every girl hates her, and she has no girlfriends anymore
i wanted to punch lauren in the face once i heard that she told my boyfriend that she would fuck him if he didnt have a girlfriend
lauren is such a whore
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Lauren is a very cool and good being. Gets blocked when asking for it but gets unblocked and resumes the same behaviour. Very good person. Some Lauren's are adventurous and know how to throw sick parties, had a pet chicken named Zeus who may rest in peace. (Very common for all Lauren's.) Gets happy when close friend is happy, very supportive. Few Lauren's have the ability of telepathy, only the best ones. You can tell when they are annoyed because of facial expressions and telepathy of course, say "ugh" occasionally. In conclusion, Lauren's like to shower treats on animals.
Adventurous girl... must be a Lauren!
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