Spaff Portion

A larger than normal portion of food - usually including chorizo and/or bacon.

Used heavily by Jamie Spafford and other YouTube Stars of SORTEDFOOD

“That’s a lot of food... she/he seems to be going for Spaff portions”

spaff bomb

After a prolonged period of sexual abstinence, the explosion felt in the gentlemans area when the spaff bomb is finally released. Ladies may also feel the fast flying shrapnel from the bomb which can land anywhere but seems to target itself on the facial area. ( subject to approval)

Fuck me Dave. Did you hear the blast from my house last night? Finally blew up the spaff bomb. What a fuckin mess. The wife's happy tho cause it looks like we'll have to redecorate the bedroom.

spaff patch

The art of having sex, then pulling out at the last minute, leaving a sizeable jizz stain on the surface on which the act was performed

Oh my god have you seen the size of that spaff patch we have left on those sheets, little bit of chocolate eclair too

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Spaff Gamble

Deciding on whether or not to indulge in the act of masturbation in the knowledge of limited time before the return of an obstructing party. i.e a girlfriend who has gone to the shops for 10 minutes.

I feel like some relief, but Jane's only gone out for 10 minutes. Should I or shouldn't I? This is a bit of a spaff gamble.

spaff rag

piece of cloth used to wipe up excess semen.

'If I wake up one more time with a spaff rag stuck to my face there'll be trouble!'

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Spaff Wrangling

Ensuring a cowboy's ten-gallon hat is full to the brim with manky-man-splash.

I got caught spaff wrangling, but I only got the electric chair.

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The Guvnor Spaff

When a bloke notably from the Swansea area, ejaculates over a girls tits, giving them a well good spraying.

Did you hear about The Guvnor Spaff, he sprayed her tits with his juice.

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