warm toilet seat

Quite possibly the only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm toilet seat. The thought of sitting and basking in the misery of someone else's rectal warmth is not only disturbing, but also detestable, repugnant, hideous, and completely repulsive. The most heinous, hardened criminal should not have to suffer a fate as bad as sitting on a warm toilet seat.

Those that enjoy warm toilet seats usually also enjoy drinking room temperature coffee, eating food off the floor despite the expiration of the 5-second rule, not washing their hands after using the bathroom (worsened only by the use of a warm toilet seat), discarding of damp baby diapers into a trash receptacle inside the house, using a reused plastic bag to pick-up dog feces with their hand, and other vile, wretched acts.

The only thing worse than a warm toilet seat is a warm public toilet seat. Should you find yourself forced to use a warm public toilet seat, you should promptly burn all of the flesh subjected to this unholy hell. May God have mercy on your soul.

Jeff: OMG! I just had to use the bathroom in the office. The toilet seat was......WARM!

Kari: Dear God! A warm toilet seat? Say it ain't so!

Jeff: It is so. I'm so ashamed, but there was no alternative.

Kari: I will pray for you. Meanwhile, here's some gasoline and a match. You know what you have to do.

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airline seat emoji

The most pointless emoji ever created. What wanker uses an emoji of an airline seat?

Jonny: 💺
Jeanie: What's that?
Jonny: an airline seat emoji
Jeanie: you are a wanker, Jonny

Back Seat Syndrome

The curious phenomena by which men traveling in the back of large jostling vehicles (busses, vans, ect) tend to achieve spontaneous erection due initially to the jostling of the vehicle and then secondarily to the jostling of their own wood against their legs and/or pants. This erection can often be relieved only by extrication from the back seat.

Cody: Holy cow have I got a case of Back Seat Syndrome.

Matt: Boner city?

Cody: Worst ever. Switch me spots.

Back Seat Tom

Masturbating in the back seat of a car, with your parents driving.

So i was driving down the road and i looked back and saw Tom Lewis back seat tomming

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sweet milky seat

term used to describe ejaculation.

used in the system of a down song vicinity of obcenity.
sweet milky seat.

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have several seats

When somebody says something so stupid it's beyond repair. The act of being basic in the presences of a G.

Trina: Beyoncé 's hair is all hers no weave

Alicia: go have several seats

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vandalised bus seat

A gaping abyss of a pussy. Feels like fucking a bucket of rice pudding.

Other similes would include: minge like a hippos yawn, pussy like an axe wound or the little used, arsehole like a clowns pocket.

Note from author:

Hope you guys don't suffer the same fate. It's an experience that will stay with you your entire life!!...
Felt like I was throwing a sausage up Bedford High Street.

Fucked this girl last night, her pussy looked like a vandalised bus seat.

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