Field Hockey

a sport designed for butchy females who have thunder thighs and act like dudes

john: yo who are those girls who have monstrous legs?

tom: they are girls who play field hockey

john: fuckin butches..

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Field hockey

Worst version of hockey, it’s hockey but for pussies who can’t handle the speed and physicality of ice hockey, shouldn’t even be called hockey.

Guy #1“Hey did you know Daniel plays hockey”
Guy #2 “he must be pretty tough then”
Guy #1 “he plays field hockey....”
Guy #2 “what a fucking pussy”

2👍 7👎

force field shit

When somebody shits in the bathroom and the next person to use the bathroom can't get close enough to the toilet to use it because the strong odor of the turd has created a force field. You can't get close enough to penetrate the toilet.

Rick I thought you had to use the bathroom? I did but Joe took a force field shit and I couldn't penetrate it.

71👍 1👎

field shitting nigger

Specifically, it means an African, since the vast majority of them are both black and lack the incredibly advanced technology of indoor plumbing, thus the need to defecate in a field. But can general be used to call someone poor in a much more creative and offensive way.

Um, yeah, I'm not going to eat at Arby's, I have money, I'm not a field shitting nigger.

48👍 3👎

Vagina Distortion Field

Like the notorious reality distortion field (RDF) of Steve Jobs, a Vagina Distortion Field (VDF) affects perception, which thereby alters behavior. When someone is affected by a woman's VDF, every aspect of her being seemingly improves in that person's view. A woman's VDF typically only influences those who have not yet had access to said vagina. Being warped by a VDF is different than being pussy whipped. With the latter, the whipped individual behaves abnormally to maintain access to the pussy, but perception of the vagina owner is not altered. The VDF often has the greatest affect on the owner of the vagina, making her vastly overestimate her worth, influence, and potential.

Spock: "Captain, you are once again risking the lives of the entire crew in the pursuit of some green slag."

Kirk: "Mr. Spock, your libido-less Vulcan logic fails to grasp the enormity of the daily Pon Farr that starship command subjects on a man."

Spock: "Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov, move the Enterprise as far as is necessary and raise whatever shield is needed to protect the captain's mind from the insidious Vagina Distortion Field that is destroying his judgement."

Kirk: "Spawwwwwwwwwk!!!"

<cue Kirk fight music>

42👍 1👎

Field Mouse

Hand in Texas Hold'em, a 5-3 off suit. It's just so tiny.

I thought I had a field mouse, but it turned out they were suited. Way too powerful a hand for the field mouse.

4👍 21👎

bum rape fields

A area of fields in Failsworth, Manchester, just behind Lord Lane, where everybody gets fucked in the ass hole.

Go to Bum Rape Fields after dark and you'll get fucked in the ass hole, too.

602👍 76👎