Wank Bullet

When you have watched porn on someones computer without their permission and they find out. Your friend takes the blame and says they have a wanking problem.

John: Fred I lent you my computer the over day and found a video of a gay gang bang.

Fred: It wasn't me.

Clive: It was my fault fred popped out for a coffee and I was watching it. I have a wanking disorder and I knock one out 12 times a day.

(John leaves)

Clive: I just took a wank bullet for you.

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Monkey Wank

Pleasuring oneself with the feet, whilst swinging in a tyre.

I'm off home for a banana, a few nuts and a monkey wank.

15👍 2👎

Angry wank

Wanking while furiously angry usually highly aggressively and to the detriment of everyone else on the bus. Mostly over an ex girlfriend/boyfriend who has cheated on you or given you an STD, which when combined with your sweat, blood and tears adds a delightful burning sensation. Can lead to serious erosion of the penis, which in turn can cause Wankers callous, Knob Drop or Gripsy

Dude, i was thinking about marla last night and i had such an angry wank that i left my cock looking like a candle stick holder.

She left her dog here after we broke up so i angry wanked and came blood into its eye.

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wank stain

A person who is a complete and uter twat!!

"Fuck u bill, your such a fucking wank stain!"

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Table Wank

A stealthy act where one tries to catch a beat at the table without being noticed.

So I was over at my friends place for dinner and I totally table wanked while they cut the cheese.

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danger wank

masturbating, but in such a way that you are very likely to get caught.
Increasing the thrill by trying to finish cranking one off before you are caught

Geoff, fancying a danger wank, stood in his mum's bathroom,leaving the door open, grasped his throbbing member and shouted "Mum!"

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wank off

To masturbate, hold the hot dog, however you want to say it - for a man to give himself sexual pleasure. It may also be used as the object of the sentence, if a woman or gay man holds their partner's genitals in a position to make them cum.

I wank off when I think about fucking Sophia.

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