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A townie (UK countryside slang) is a person from a town or a city.
Symptoms of this disease include being horrified that you've named the turkey that you're fattening up up for Christmas dinner, calling a cow a bull and not knowing what a heifer is.
This is a disease can be cured by living in the countryside for two years, and making yourself look like an arse to the amusement of every other country dweller.
Farmer Dai: Did you see that group of Londoners come into the pub earlier?
Farmer Arthur: I tell you what those bloody Townies do my head in.
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Ah, the general morons that inhabit England; they seem concentrated around the Northern areas, like a modern era barbarian/amoeba hybrid.
Characterised by their clothes, consisting of tracksuits. Logos are a must; also, a recent tread is to wear a hat at the odd angles, AND have a hood up at the same time. In broad daylight. Suspicions are rising that they are going nocturnal.
Another characteristic is the speech. They try to be 'gangsta muthafuggas', taken from American culture. Hey, what do you know; it WAS Rap. Also any phrases (or noises) are taken from popular TV shows. Like 'Bo Selecta', a comedy show. They have a penchant for the word "mint".
Examples of Towny 'speech'
"PROPA NAAARH" <==> "Proper no."
"YA SHTARTIN ME" <==> "You wanna start a fight?"
"PROPA BO" <==> "Wow, that's awesome."
"UEEEH!" <==> No translation. It could be a mating call.
Behaviours consists of:
* Walking into your shoulders, claiming you wanna start a fight, even if they had to come across the road to bump into your shoulders.
* Generally takin' drugs and getting drunk every night, getting rowdy and starting fights.
the list goes on.
they also do not like anyone who does not conform to their ways.
Sample Research was taken from the North Eastern Breed of towny.
<Townie> "You called me yesterday, didn't ya!? ****in *******!"
<Me> "...do I know you?"
<Townie> "PROPER NAH."
*At which point his friends come over.*
<Me> Sigh -_-.
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A townie is usually someone who has been brought up in a low income family. Their parents aren't very interested in what they do or what they get up to. In the day time they skip school abd roam the town causing trouble until the police enter and they run a mile. We must not be so harsh on them though...if we had lives as crappy as they have clearly had, we may have turned out to be as brainless and ugly as them as well. A townie generally has no future and no direction in life. If they do manage to live past 25 they are either a dustman or a builder and regret it in later life. They wear clothes ranging from adidas to adidas. They have burberry caps pointed up to the sky and slicked gelled hair at the front which makes them look like total oafs. They either wear 3/4 length trousers or roll a pair of tracksuit bottoms up and if they are old enough they shave their ankles...don't ask me why its completely fucking stupid.
Townie on mobile phone> wot.....na..wot.....nah.....wot....nah..wot............nah...............wot?
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How to recognise a townie:
1. The female species of townie usually wear slutty tops that barely cover their nipples, and mini-skirts that barely cover their ass-crack. They also tend to wear make-up which makes their face look orange, and bright white eyeshadow which blind u if you look at it.
2. The male species wear trackies(with th double stripe down the side of their leg and arm) along with polished white trainers and a cap sticky-taped to the back of their heads, so that it can point towards the sky. Most of this can be bought from JJB, and other such classy stores.
3. Townies have a very distinguished way of "speaking", though most of the time u cant understand what their saying.
4. They hang around in large groups, usually outside shops such as Blockbusters, morrisons, tesco's etc... (mainly bcoz they hav been banned from coming within 10 miles of any respectable places) and can usually b found blasting their "music" out of their crappy cars in the middle of the night.
5. Townies listen mainly to pop and garage (people like peter andre and 'gangstas' who wud actually be shot if they put one foot in the ghetto)
An example of some perfectly formed townies are a group of girls who i had an arguement wiht the other day. Aswell as not being able to look at the main 'speaker' incase i was blinded bt her orange mask of foundation and blinding eyeshadow, i had to keep asking her to repeat herself, as all i cud hear was a loud screeching sound.
NOTE: NEVER answer a townie back. i did, and it didnt get me very far. the hole group looked like they were about to sit on me, but after shoving me around for a bit, they gave up as it wasnt gettin them very far either.
townies tend to feel like they hav 2 win th arguement. afta realising she wasnt winning, the leader of th group tld her frend she wanted 'to keep sayin stuff to me cuz I was being mouthy!' though she never actually came any closer.
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if you are not one you will not want to be associated with one or go to places/school or anywhere else with one.
If you are one you will be so sucked into the townie subculture you will think the 'different' are evil.
real townies have warped minds, they evolved from rats basically. To put it bluntly, you wouldn't want to bump into a townie in a dark alley.
key words/things to look out for:
burberry, von dutch, vicky pollard, year 7&8&9&10&11 kids soiled in make-up and bling, clubland cd's, cigarettes, wkd, 'whatevar' 'biatch' 'schlag' 'omg feck aff'
sounds like: when you have a sweet in your mouth, don't say the end of words. so if it was walking it would be walkin'
for their ears: blazin squad, khia, dj sammy, any trancy music. look out for music with no instruments.
piercings: ears, nose
intentions: evil
sex status: washed-up
exsist in: hundreds and thousands
two townie girls at the beach pass two non-townie boys.
girl:omg look at tha minga'
girl 2: e's a goffik!!!
girl: UH lets chopse 'im
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a townie is an under-educated, brain damaged product of the welfare state who really should have been aborted at the earliest oppertunity.
Often found commiting various crimes and "'angin" around cheap discount shops and market stalls that sell fake clothing with the hideous burberry pattern.
they lack the ability to communicate in anything above "errr", "Wot" and "Nah" with the most intellegent of them someday becoming a valued member of the fast food service industry although most will end up living off the welfare state to support them and their eqaully intellectually diluted offspring's drug and fake burberry addiction.
the following solutions would render the townie an endangered species:
1: invest in a large shotgun and declare "townie hunting season" open
2: Remove state "benifit" payments from them and make them get jobs, in this case most would die off because their immense stupidity negates their chances of getting even a MacDonolds job.
3: Anyone who falls into the "townie" category should be sterillized immidiatly to stop further generations sucking money out of the economy and littering the landscape with their useless carcasses.
a "townie" most often lives on or near a council estate where the average income is based on how many drugs they can sell or bikes they can steal
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kids that made it through high school, but didn't go on to college and hang aroung their hometown feeling sorry for themselves.
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