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A solo version of a blumpkin usually performed by jerkin it while taking a dump. It is usually performed by a Cringelord to the memory of some unrequited love. If the performer is short a couple ribs, either through surgical means or birth defect, may also be done full-simulation style.
Person A: Hey man, where did Cringelord go? he isn't bothering your friend again is he? I mean he's been after her so long when she's made it clear she just isn't that into him.
Person B: Nah, he just went to take a dump.
Person A: Oh, so he's doing a simulated blumpkin?
Person B: Yup...
A male defecating while simultaneously receiving genital stimulation to the point of climax. The presence of spooge is important.
The only time I had a blumpkin spoogester was during college when a wild-eyed sophomore mounted me on the toilet. Cuming that way was a strange sensation. In fact, it is one that I will never forget, and I am nearing 90 years old.
A sexual act in which a man receives oral sex whilst on the toilet suffering from diarrhea.
I ate too much sloppy Mexican food for dinner, but my wife helped me through my pain by giving me a great speedy blumpkin.
A man receiving a blow job while the female is sitting on the toilet taking a shit.
My girlfriend loves giving me a modified Blumpkin while taking a dump on the toilet.
When you get Iced while receiving a Blumpkin
I was lucky enough to talk my girl into a Blumpkin the other day and she iced me. She hit with me with he Frosty Blumpkin
A variation of a blumpkin (receiving oral sex while pooping) where the recipient is pooping into a 5 gallon bucket.
After getting really drunk at Divers, she gave him a Lund blumpkin underneath his house.
When a man sends a dick picture from a seated toilet position. Whether or not the intended recipient is reached is irrelevant, it is a digital blumpkin.
Oh my God Lydia! Some idiot just sent me a digital blumpkin!
Hey Bryce, I like sending pictures of my dick while I sit on my toilet, I think I'm a blumpkenite.