cell monkey

A person who is ostensibly unable to walk, chew gum, sit, eat, drink, sleep, work, shop, drive, breathe, take a crap, or accomplish any other task commonly performed with or without opposable digits, unless a cell phone is inexorably attached to the side of their head.

This person is typically oblivious to almost all stimuli around them including any carbon-based life forms, merging traffic, lights at intersections, toll booth gates, falling pianos, the cashier in front of them, the check-out line behind them, the person they've just walked in front of, the inappropriateness of their loud phone rants, or anything else involving sight, sound or smell (such as the fungus slowly growing on the mouth and ear piece of the greasy device).

Ironically, it has been shown that when placed in a room with other family members and friends, but without the cellular appliance, this person has alarmingly little to say to any of them. This time spent communicating face to face has been estimated to be a mere fraction of the corresponding period spent talking to the same people through the device, and at great and perpetual urgency.

Get off the phone and drive cell monkey.

It's your turn dumbass! STFU and write the check or run your debit. This store has gotta ban the freaking cell monkeys in checkout lines?

Hey cell monkey, your fly is open and you're standing in front of the forklift.

Temple Monkey

Noun. A racial slur relative to Porch Monkey but for people of Jewish decent.

Yo check out those Temple Monkey's picking up pennies!

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monkey tilt

Used most often used at the poker table, or in reference to a poker game.

An extreme form of tilt, often caused by a series of bad beats, excessive table banter from donkeys, or otherwise shit-ass luck in a poker game. The player experiencing monkey tilt may experience one or more of the following syptoms: 1) complete and utter disregard for money (in fact, other players may even claim that the player in question "hates money") 2) frequent bluffs and all-in moves before the flop in a no-limit hold-em game 3) calling bets with complete disregard for the cards or the odds being offered 4) jumping up and down screaming "oooh oooh aah ahh" while shoving a banana down your own throat

The dude in the 2-seat is on complete fucking monkey tilt.

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data monkey

One who spends the majority of their time running data and creating useless ppt slides to please the upper echelons of management.

Burke is a data monkey when he works on BAT.

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sand monkey

Disparaging term for people from the Arab/North African regions.

See sand nigger, towelhead, muslim, arabs.

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grease the monkey

Terminology for male masturbation

I was lookin' at that biatch in Playboy and greasing the monkey.

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Chain Monkey

One who put chains on cars on the side of the freeway during a snow storm for meager pay. They wear the yellow rain suits like crab fisherman most of the time, with duck tape around the knees.

I was nice and warm, smoking a blunt on the way to tahoe, and I didn't want to get out, so a payed a chain monkey to put my chains on my car. I tipped him with kush.

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