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They are cool. They have flamboyant hair. They will most likely be your first kiss and you will sit there like a fish. They have a cool bedroom and are a cool person. They also have a nice closet that you can steal clothes from.
River King is awesome
A questionable person who is representative of the dating scene in Sacramento.
I went on a date with a mangy River Cat last night. He wanted to go dutch on the miller lights we ordered after I said I wouldn’t go home with him.
When a man, during the act of copulation, releases his "man spirit" onto the bridge of his female companion's nose. The stream will slowly flow downwards towards her chin, creating the mental image of a fat white man in a inner tube floating down the lazy river at Disney Land.
Oh man, you should have seen the lazy river I plastered Tracy Lyn with last night.
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A river that flows though all the incest, disease ridden towns in Upstate New York. All the fecal matter and trash you can think of always ends up in there. The fish are heavily mutated and the any boat that enters will never be seen again, probably because the people that drive the boats are so far gone on meth that they don’t even know how to drive a boat! Let alone a car.
I am going swimming in the Mohawk River and no one can stop me!!! NO ONE!!!!!
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People who spend weekends on the Colorado River and other inland fresh bodies of water rather than on the Pacific. People who want spring break to never end; they are great cross pollinators of bro culture.
We got to hit the I-15 before the River people start clogging up the pass if we want to get to Vegas before midnight.
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In toms River, well, lets face it...people are pretty much bored to tears. We can get to Great Adventure in abouot a half hour, and the beach/ Seaside in about 10 minutes, but these things pretty much close down during the winter. So, we're left with Applebees, Cool Beans, and Wawa to occupy our time. There are 12 elementary school, 3 intermediate schools, and 3 high schools, but the funding we receive for our education is really that of a 3-school district. HS North is where all of the rich kids go, so they get the Ritacco/ Poland Springs Center (originally named after our not-yet-deceased school board supervisor), which attracts lots of famous celebrities...like Bill Cosby. HS East and Souths' ceilings, on the other hand, are practically falling in. The nicknames of these three high schools are Heroin High (North), Suicide Central (South), and Pregnancy Point (East). Surprisingly enough, this is a failing school system. To all of the towns 90,000 residents, I want to let you know, you are wasting your childrens' opportunities. Congratulations. Toms River is also host to a few famous things. Our tap water causes cancer, our little league team won the World Series back in God knows when, and people tend to get murdered semi-frequently. A jewel amongst American suburbs, Toms River will shine on.
See your travel agent about vacationing in Toms River, NJ.
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That one town every one avoids because it reminds them of some sort of strange place that their car will break down in and will get butt fucked by every single hick ass male in town.
Guy1: Dude take a left here.
Guy2: Hell no that place is a Priest River!!!!
Guy1: Your right, I don't want to lose my ass virginity.
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