Rural Dictionary

true rain

raining and really raining are two very different things. The only similarity is the fact that both consist of falling water. rain, is everything you have ever experienced. Everything from a faint mist to a heavy downpour. rain is appreciated and well liked by the world and it's inhabitants, and for good reason. it keeps us all alive. really raining is a completely different concept.

the average rain drop is 1 to 2 mm in diameter. even with a great deal of them they are light and harmless. when it is really raining, only a few hundred drops fall at a time, and they fall spread out over the entire earths surface. the thing is, each rain drop weighs several dozen metric tonnes and comes in a perfectly cubical shape. these massive rain drops are spaced far apart, but there is enough water contained in one to completely submerge a 2 story house.

if you are unlucky enough to be caught underneath one of these behemoths, there is very little you can do to save your self. The sheer weight and velocity of the rain drop will crush almost anything beneath it. assuming a person is standing vertically beneath the plummeting drop, a few things happen in the space of a few milliseconds. traveling that fast, the water will be like a block of cement. the force will collapse the spine into itself, mashing each vertebrae into one solid block of spinal column. at this point the person in question is about 2 and 1/2 feet tall and they subsequently drown in the water after it hits the ground.

some people have devised a way o make a building resistant to these rain drops. this consists of turning the roof of the building into a cone several hundred feet tall with a razor sharp point at the top to slice into the water and divert the energy. the house also has to be completely water proof or else the house will flood, even if it does succeed in diverting the water. twice a day the very tip of the cone has to be sharpened with an industrial strength pencil sharpener. the metal of the cone is reinforced titanium alloy so it is incredibly expensive, but it is the only chance a person has of having their house remain standing.

there is a plan to use this natural disaster to our advantage. real rain could fall at any minute so the steps to using the drops as a source of energy would have to be implemented as soon as possible. the plan is to construct a gargantuan turbine dead in the center of every country on earth. this turbine would be bigger then anything anyone has ever seen and would cost hundreds of billions of dollars to construct. these turbines would catch the rain drops and the turbines would spin at unbelievable speeds for years. the energy this would produce would supply the entire earth with electricity for years. just what we need to give our natural resources a chance to replenish themselves.

the only point in history of this happening was in the bible when Noah built the arc. while the bible is almost entirely fictitious, some historical aspects are true. this is one of them. most of the details are grossly inaccurate, but some are true. "God" didn't tell Noah to build the arc, Noah was a paranoid schizophrenic and the voices inside his head told him to build it. he constructed the arc and proceeded to illegally purchase and steal 2 of every animal. once again at the behest of the voices in his head. Noah was pronounced medically insane and was detained in a asylum for several year until he escaped, kidnapped several people and claimed to be related to them. he loaded in all on the boat and was prepared to live the rest of his life and spend his considerable fortune on feeding he animals. by sheer fluke, just as he boarded his ship with his hostages, it started really raining. the true rain flooded the world and only he, his hostages and a small pockets of the population survived the 2 minute downpour. this could happen again and we must be prepared.

spread the word of this eminent disaster and be ready for real rain. It's real, it's dangerous and it's only a matter of time.

religious fanatic - for the first time in thousands of years, true rain is upon us. the end is nigh!

person - quit ya belly achin- ho shit it is!

religious fanatic- make thy peace with god!

person- fire up them mutherfuckin turbines! we got ourselves a straight up storm!

religious fanatic- silly heathen, what do you think you are doing?

person- making the best of a shitty-ass situation. you know, exactly what you aren't doing.

religious fanatic- but... its the apocalypse...

person- shut up and help me pull this tarp off

religious fanatic- that's over an acre of tarp!

person- then get up off your Christian ass and lend a hand!

by the grandfather of badassery June 10, 2009

13👍 8👎

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