For when you have run out of weed and you cant get any.
Hey bro, you got any weed?
Nah, im a dry towel.
When you nut in a girls butt but it starts to slide down and you run to find a towel and wipe it off before she gets pregnant
1 "dude i almost had a kid last night"
2 " what happened?"
1" I had to do a towel run"
The unspoken rule that towels' rights are less than any other person's, excluding towels themselves. Towels are not allowed to:
1. Read
2. Write
3. Vote
4. Drive
5. Leave their designated area
6. Dry anything their masters say not to
7. Disobey a master's orders
8. Smoke, drink, or have other substance-related activity
Towels are subhuman filth.
Thanks to Towel Law, the towel was punished sternly by the whip for attempting to write a book about how to drive, against Amy Schumer's vagina's wishes. It was quickly rolled into a makeshift dildo-tampon and shoved back in. Amy Schumer stopped menstruating a long time ago, so don't worry. It's just super sweaty and gross.
A Debbie Downer who is a total damper on the party. Frequently used by hip kids under 33 that are "with it".
That guy at the after party is such a soggy towel, he should just go home and walk his dog.
The special towel designated to be used during sex to protect the bedsheets from any scuzzy residue coming out of the participating parties.
“Yeah she squirted everywhere but my sheets were safe cause she was on my scuzz towel”
When you’re definitely not rolling in money, but you feel like a big spender because you’re tearing off three or four paper towels at a time to handle a tiny spill. This is the kind of rich where you’re not counting sheets, you’re just living that lavish life with extra absorbency.
Alex: "Whoa, are you seriously using four paper towels for that little coffee drip?"
Jordan: "Yeah, I’m paper towel rich now. I don’t have to play it safe with just one anymore."
Alex: "Dang, living the high life, I see!"
When you’re definitely not rolling in money, but you feel like a big spender because you’re tearing off three or four paper towels at a time to handle a tiny spill. This is the kind of rich where you’re not counting sheets, you’re just living that lavish life with extra absorbency.
Alex: "Whoa, are you seriously using four paper towels for that little coffee drip?"
Jordan: "Yeah, I’m paper towel rich now. I don’t have to play it safe with just one anymore."
Alex: "Dang, living the high life, I see!"