table tongue

Table Tongue is when you lick a table until your tongue is covered in splinters

Guy 1: AH! Godammit!

Guy 2: Dude what happened?

Guy 1: I tried to do Table Tongue and it fucking hurts

Guy 2: Wow, you're a fucking dumbass

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kids table

a phrase that describes the maturity level of someone that is very childish

"your little cousin loaded up a stink bomb inside a nerf gun and shot it at his bus driver, fuck no more kids table with those big boy moves"

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Table faced

1. Being incredibly intoxicated.

2. Beating some one up to the point their face bleeds.

1. Man, I got so table faced last night I was doing the robot on the kitchen counter.

2. I STRAIGHT TABLE FACED THAT MOTHER FUCKER!

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Table tumor

Being fat with a big belly

Look at joe, he like to eat at the buffet that’s why he’s got a table tumor.

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Table Vultures

People trying to find a table to sit at in a crowded coffee shop. They will often circle the coffee shop repeatedly while looking for a place to sit and will hover buzzard-like near the table of someone who looks like they might be about to leave.

In Seattle’s popular coffee shops it’s common for customers (often with laptop computers), to sit at their tables for hours making it hard for other people to find a free table to sit at.

"The other day I was writing at Cafe Solstice in the U District. It was full and the second I started packing up I could see a couple table vultures hovering, just waiting for me to leave."

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coke on tables

Contrary to the popular verb form of the word (to have coke on tables), the noun implies no actual drug use. Coke on tables simply connotes a situation in which an epic party is worthy of said coke on tables.

Man, at this house party, there gone be coke on tables (however in my mind I have no intentions of drug use...).

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cash table

Where you play poker with live money in the form of chips at a casino. There are certain tables for certain games, such as No Limit Texas Hold 'em, Limit Hold 'em, Omaha, and Seven Card Stud. Each of these tables also has a particular stake, ranging from $1/$2 into the thousands with its own minimum buy-in (No Limit and Pot Limit tables also a maximum buy-in).

Not to be confused with tournament tables, one can sit at and exit a cash table at their leisure, bringing and taking their chips with them, and may switch tables as much as they like.

At cash tables it is also customary to tip the dealer with a chip or two when you win a substantial pot, as a symbol of "thanking" the dealer for the cards. While the dealer has nothing to do with the cards other than dealing them out in random orders, their income from tips is notable enough to justify doing it both from a symbolic perspective and a friendly, sportmanlike persective. Plus, you'll seem stingy to them and the other players if you don't.

"Stefan took his winnings from his first cash table and tried to move up to higher stakes. Unfortunately, he ended up going broke within the first few minutes there."

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