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An oversensitive whore who will scream at you when he dies in Roblox. He's usually twelve or thirteen and already going bald. He always runs home to tell his brother he fingered a girl.
Person One "Dude, stop acting like Parker."
Person Two "Yeah man, Parker fucking sucks.”
Parker “Yeah actually, stop acting like that cunt Parker..... wait...”
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Someone who parks their car too much.
Rose: "Who the hell took my spot?"
Adam: "Oh no it's a parker, we need to find a different spot."
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A manslut
Wow, that guy is a real Parker.
Stop sleeping with so many girls, Parker.
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parker is one of the funniest people you will ever meet. though she struggles in her own ways, she is always careful not to show it and to spread bad bitch energy and kindness everywhere ever she goes. if you ever feel upset or anxious, she is the first person you will go to. expect to be fed and comforted.
that being said, don't hurt her. you will regret it. they don't respond well to toxic friends, but if you are loyal and sweet (also need a bit of baddie energy) parker is sure to keep you forever. look, they can't go four minutes without making a gay joke. but they are good ones. trust me. she likes women. and her girlfriend. especially her gf.
in all due honesty parker is bound to be your favorite person, ik shes mine. she will make you laugh until your ribs hurt and will stay up all night in your kitchen eating oranges and drinking milk. perfect combo.
parker loves going everywhere with her best friends, especially south congress in austin and eating at Elizabeth street and going for a burger at cafe no se.
thank mother earth for parker, darling.
human: bro who is that girl? she looks hot.
friend: um dude. that's parker. and its never gonna happen.
There are 3 types of Parkers. The average Parker is so fucking annoying like shut the hell up. He also has a record for tiniest dick, it looks like a vagina. The rarer middle name parker is still annoying but he can easily get you to care about him. He's also an asshole sometime, though he will restore your faith in Parkers. Then there is the girl parker. Said to be the spawn of Satan she will kill you with her annoying personality and you will hate her for the rest of your life. She's also such a fucking dumb blonde. Legends say that one day the 3 Parkers will meet and have a legendary battle. However if the girl parker wins Armageddon will start and all hope will be lost. They're all really tall or really short though.
Person 1: "Hey bro do you see Parker over there?"
Person 2: "Yeah she's so fucking stupid."
Person 1: "No not her, that Parker over there messing with Jacob."
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