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The act of pooing, but instead of plopping into a toilet it gets cradled in your ass hair and just hangs there like a bat in the cave.
"dude What the fuck is that smell"
"oh bro, i got shit hammock'd today its just tragic."
33👍 5👎
A cheap bra worn by horrifically overweight women in America. The sheer, elephantine mass of their saturated mammories has over-powered the 5 cents worth of Taiwanese twine pretending to be underwire and their hee-yuge boobs have come to rest together at the lowest point of gravity, creating a monoboob.
It looks like a pair of massively overweight and unshapely arms have been folded across the chest. Terrifyingly, these same women seem to adopt this position over the top of their already shudder-inducing globes.
There is a way to fix this problem, however. Take a large cardboard box, such as you might receive a new fridge-freezer in, cut a circular hole in the bottom and then another two circles on opposing sides. Place box over tit hammock owner.
Despite not correcting the fault of the $3.99 Kmart bra that was struggling for its life, it does mean that the rest of us don't have to look at it.
"Jesus-fucking-Christ, mate! Don't look left, there's a heffer wearing a tit hammock".
62👍 13👎
A sexual maneuver involving two spatulas and a generous amount of bacon grease.
Kid: Mommy, can I have bacon for breakfast?
Mommy: (cutting fruit for the child's lunch) No honey your father and I used it last night.
Kid: Why?
Mommy: Adult stuff.
Kid: Why?
Mom: Because you're too young.
Kid: Oh yea? fuck, shit, buttsex, fisting, procrastibating-
Mom: Okay, okay you've proved your point. We were lamb hammocking last night.
Kid: Why?
Mom: We wanted to try something the kids were doing these days.
Kid: Why?
Mom: To put the spark back in our marriage.
Kid: Why?
Mom: So your father and I don't kill you.
awkward silence
Mom: (goes back to cutting fruit, this time more agressively) So how's school child?
12👍 1👎
“Dude! Did your pants rip!? I can see your fart hammock peaking out!”
the rule that says it is impossible to be unhappy when you are on a hammock.
Things that follow the hammock rule:
- Hammocks
- Trampolines
- The Big Bang Theory theme song
- Bouncy castles
- Glow Sticks
- Glow in the dark stars
- Helium
- Silly string
- The Planets
- 11:11
- Calvin and Hobbes
- "Bazinga!"
- Monsters Inc
- Meet the Robinsons
- The Incredibles
- Art Attack
- Nutella
- Toaster Strudels
Phenomenon occurring whilst on holiday in a hot climate wherby the anus dilates to several times it's normal relaxed state, coating the interior of ones undercrackers with a piquant peanut butter style slurry, causing the gusset area to resemble a hammock made of chocolate.
"Darling, how was your journey back from China?" Charles asked.
"It was terrible" Camilla weeped, "My suitcase fell off the trolley and burst open and all the world's media got to see my chocolate hammocks!"
11👍 1👎
When you are going number 2 and your shirt is so long that it catches your poop.
Aw man yesterday i was taking a shit and turned my tall T into a poop hammock
15👍 2👎