Rural Dictionary

Poland

The Central-European Empire of the Sausage.

An acient land rumored to be one of the three founding nations of the Sausage. The other two are Germany and Italy.

Central European because it's stuck between russia (a land of non- or at best lame sausage, hence should not be capitalized until they grow-up) and Germany.

Polish may be easy or hard to learn, Polish sausages may be mild or hard to digest.

Economy: The sausage, though important to the Euro-barbarian identity, is sadly enough not the main export, coal is pretty big and cars there are really cheap.
Travelling Americans using the USD currency may not be able to enjoy the same purchasing power as that of the European (a.k.a Superman Sausage God), for now. It is rumored (and highly believable) that the main economic reasons for this are:
1)dubya
2)your weak girle-man "hot-dogs" and other flowery "animal/soy bi-product." "diet" along with gray "fast-food beef"
3)taxes, bich!

Once bush summarily executed and taxes levied against the government with the penalty of death by meat-processing, the once proud nation of Sausage and various TRUE-meat products, the United-States-of-America, will annex a de-socialized Canada (another bunch of over-taxed Meat Lovers) in a cooperative rule of the wold with the Sausage-Lover Nations of Europe, called NASO: North Atlantic Sausage Organization (or more fondly: Not Another Sausage! OMFG!)
The G8 will become the Many-S (Many Sausages), Japan will not feel left out since they like beef and pork now.

But I digress. The capital of Poland is Warsawa (Warsaw), though I'm from Poznan (Pozen).

Population:
Polish chicks are hot, so stay the fuck away from them, unless you're willing to make a hot chick trade.

There's about 38-40 million over there, with no mexican border jumpers to shoot at.

Jews might exist there, but we only like the ones that eat sausage.

We've got a couple of muslims, but they're still kinda wierd, and they're not exactly sausage lovers. Maybe we'll all get along some day.

Gays. They like sausage, which is why we think they're o.k., but gay.

Gastronomy:
Triple-dare...

Sausage! Spuds (though the Irish might be better developped there, and btw, send us your cute Irish women). COLESLAW! The other white treat! Dill pickles. A must have with sausage. Although either can be had alone, the combination is actually a universal nexus of power, potatoes can make you drowsy, rest is needed to absorb nutrients. Beer, western cars, Kalashnikov-based rifles and other cool stuff you can use on animals, government employees, straight-edge types, etc.

History: In aobut 965 AD., Poland was christened. Before that we probably broke-off from some German tribe. We got invaded a couple of times, but we kicked back and killed a lot of people.
In 1989 we finally sent those sad russians back home where they can enjoy baked onions with a side of ognion forever.
Solidartity was the worker's union party that led us out of the commie dark ages, but Walensa (unfortunately the idiot peasnat leader, not quire representing the oppressed masses) proved to be a bad case of Retarded so we eventually voted him out.
Since, Poles decided to become a buncha greedy card carrying capitalists and threaten to eat the entire Italian communist/socialist party(and our own too, not to discriminate) for supper.
Freedom brought us higher prices, but whatever.
We joined nato in '99, which kind of looks like a bunch of sausages rolled-up (and so does the 8 in '89).

Religion:Ugh, roman catholic. The Pope is Polish, NO LIE, and he probably sneaks in some sausage via the Vatican's spy network, reputed to be the largest, and more annoying then the Mossad and NSA.
Capitalism will probably bring in mass-seularity in the elite and the middle classes who will continue to promote wearing tight jeans and a form controlled sausage consumption(The Way of the Sausage)so you don't get all fat and shit.

Geology:
Lowlands and fields in the central region excellent for raising cattle, grains, vegetables and fruit, all necessary to produce guess what, sausage.
Lake-region in the upper-east, virgin forest to the east, Tatran mountains to the south, Sudetten mountains to the south West, hilly up North.
A bunch of rivers, namely the Vistula and the Oder (they just scream "sausage" don't they, huh?).

Culture:
We're quite developped really, most of us had no intention of being a bunch of proletarians. We've got it all and it's growing, and if you don't quite get your fill, you can always find some place with some sausage.

Language: Duh. Polish. Some German and Russian, mainly as secondary languages.

That's about all, for now anyway.

Johnny: Hey! I hear bush forgot about Poland!
Ziggy:Yeah, but we voted nearly 60% against invading. Anyway, Bush's daughters are bunch of inbred-redneck devil worshipping alcoholoics, and the one that looks like daddy doesn't like sausage.
Johnny: I know. Goddamit! I knew we ought to eliminate taxes, annex Canada and join Europe to form one happy steak/burger/sausage-loving world and shit on non-believers.
Ziggy: Fuck yeah! Sausage!
Johnny: Looking up with his right hand patriotically over his heart: "Sau-sage..."
Ziggy:"..."
Johnny: "Burgers too man!"
Jan:"Hell yeah!!"

by He who eats ground, rolled-up animals... March 14, 2005

202👍 345👎

Poland

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