teach me to jive, grasshopper

Asking someone to "teach me to jive, grasshopper" is actually code for "rip off my panties, put them on my head, suck my titays, and then roger me to exhaustion".

A very popular thing to say at parties.

When Binky heard Simone say the magic words, "teach me to jive, grasshopper", he knew it was going to be a good evening.

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In my 15 years of teaching...

When the teacher sits on her desk and says this, you *know* the entire class failed.

Friend: hey what did you get for math finals
You: I's got an f+
Friend: Oof
You: ikr
Teacher: *sits down on desk*
Friend: oh no here it comes
You: what comes?
Teacher: In my 15 years of teaching... I have never seen so many people fail the finals. It's literally THE FINALS!
*continues ranting for 3 hours*
Teacher: *takes a deep breath* Ya get that!?
Everyone: omfg finally

teach your grandfather to fuck

to try to teach somebody something that he knows far better than you.

He knows how to write good English. And that is too far better that you. Do not teach your grandfather to fuck.

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You can't teach class

When one has been blessed by certain individuals to grace them with HOW YOU SHOULD BE.

I'm sorry, you can bring a goat to water but you can't teach class.

Can't teach give-a-shit

Phrase used to explain the inability to force another to display conscientious behavior to complete a task properly; the inability to impart upon another individual a sense of duty or obligation (give-a-shit) that would otherwise be felt by a normal person in the same role. Usually used as a reactionary expression of disappointment and/or exasperation.

Ex 1. Employer describing employees: "Every time a copier runs out of paper, my employees will just use another copier instead of filling the first one up... you just can't teach give-a-shit!"

Ex 2. Homeowner describing contractor: "I hired some painters to paint my house and they didn't bother to remove the shutters around the windows, now only one side of the shutters are painted and the house color behind the shutters is unchanged! You just can't teach give-a-shit!"

Ex 3. Parent describing their child: "My son keeps leaving the door wide open when he leaves for school. No matter how many times I remind him, he never remembers to close the door behind him. I guess you just can't teach give-a-shit."

teaching your dog to drive

A polite suggestion that someone has admirable faith while being out of touch with reality.

"Brilliant idea, truly, but you're teaching your dog to drive."

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Each One Teach One

When God teaches you it's your
responsibility to teach others.

Each One Teach One for education.