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The act of masturbating an invisible penis with your hand in an effort to either piss people off or make them laugh depending on the situation.
This drunk asshole started shit with this waiter at Denny's the other night and when his friends started dragging him out he kept yelling at the poor guy. My friend Dan thought he was a dick like me so he started doing the phantom jerk. His girlfriend thought it was hilarious but he got pissed at us. When the asshole asked what our problem was Dan just did a toothy grin and said "problem?"
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A man who shoots his load before you even realise he was excited. Can also be called a phantom, and can be used in conversation as phantom spunked.
'He's such a phantom spunker, whenever he see's a pair of tits he shoots his load'
'He phantom spunked as soon as we got in the taxi'
'One look at the milf next door and he phantom spunked in his pants''
'As soon as i saw that fit bird i did a phantom and had to go to the gents to clean up'
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When you wedge a rubber ducky into a woman's anus without her knowledge. Usually during intercourse and especially if she likes anal play.
I don't know what will be worse, when she sees it in the toilet or realizes it's off her own tub. The phantom mallard strikes again.
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When you think you feel your phone vibrate, but its just your imagination.
"Hey i think ur phone just vibrated"
*checks phone* "Naw, just a Phantom Vibration"
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Similar to phantom limb syndrome, Phantom Beard Syndrome (PBS) occurs when a man has had facial hair for an extended period of time and then for whatever reason decides to shave it. He is likely to still think the facial hair is there, feel it, or even attempt to stroke it even though it is gone.
I shaved off my goatee before joining the army 4 years ago and I can still feel it today. I thing I have Phantom Beard Syndrome.
Phantom Text Syndrome, or PTS, is an acute neurological phenomenon characterized by thinking you have received a text from someone (i.e. by vibration or sound indicator) when actually nothing has occurred. Recently coined by world-renowned Psychologist Gustav Kuznetsova, PTS is now accepted by the American Psychological Association.
Guy 1: (Abruptly reaches into his pocket)
Guy 2: "Got a text, dude?"
Guy 1: "Yeah, let me just…"(Pulls phone out to see a blank screen) "Oh, wait.
Forget it. Guess I was wrong."
Guy 3: "Phantom Text Syndrome!!!"
Guy 2: "Yo, I think they got meds for that shit now."
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When a guys ball(s) randomly and suddenly begins to be severely painful for absolutely no reason. Soon after, this pain will just as suddenly dissapear as it had appeared in the first place, leaving the guy wondering "What the hell caused that??"
"I was sitting at my desk working when BAM!!, Phantom Ball Pain. I could barely move for like 5 minutes!"
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