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When a situation you thought would be one way, turns out to be another. Usually something that you assumed to be positive, turns out to be negative. Can also be a bait and switch.
I found out today that my sister had been drinking from our mom’s old school douche bag in the bathtub when she was a kid. She also used it to rinse her hair and play with the water that came out of the tip, as if she were at a water park. She thought it was a fun toy. It was always just there, hanging in the shower. She was mortified later in life when she realized what it was. We tell each other everything, yet she kept this dark secret from me until we were in our 40’s.
Sister #1: At the big family Christmas, opens her secret Santa gift that was in an envelope, so obviously a gift card - SCORE! Turns out to be a lame pack of Chuck E. Cheese stickers.
Sister #2: Well if that isn’t drinkin from the douchebag if I’ve ever seen it!! (Exclaimed in front of the whole family while Sister #1 gives Sister #2 the stank eye
For every respectable looking girl who seems to have class/not be a slut/or is a complete dumbass, there's always a douchebag boyfriend in the picture who brainwashes her to like him because apparently that's what all girls like to look for in a guy these days, instead of respectable guys without gelled hair, rhinestone-encrusted shirts, souped-up mid 90's Toyota's and have no job and bum off their mothas.
I was walking through the mall with my friends, and I saw this girl who looked down to earth, then my friend told me to look left and I realized there was a douchebag boyfriend rule involved.Damn.
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Ashton Kutcher is the "King of All Douchebags."
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The person who obnoxious and inevitably yells "Get in the hole!" at a professional golf tournament. This particular brands of douche tend to follow popular golfers, especially Tiger Woods. This phrase can be heard anywhere on the course, regardless of the feasibility of said ball making it to said hole.
Guy 1: Did you hear that jack wagon yelling "Get in the hole."
Guy2: What a dumb ass. Dude was teeing off on a 600 yard par 5.
Guy1: Yeah unless Phil Mickelson got exposed to gamma rays and has a secret habit of turning green it's a totally dumb thing to say.
Guy2: Yep that guy wasa total Get-in-the-hole! Douchebag.
Staten Island Douchebag - AKA - SIDB
The definition of the large majority of young men and women from 16-30 years who live repetative, shallow lives that make up Staten Island.
SIDB's usually consist of dudes who:
- Get their nails and eyebrows done.
- Go to tanning salons.
- Drive their dad's expensive car.
- Have some kind of rediculously spikey hair style or a "fauxhawk"
- Wear tight jeans, pop their stupid collars up and love fist pumping in a bar or club.
- Take steriods and love cocaine.
- Very wiggerish.
- Enjoy freestyle and hip-hop music.
- In the gym they take up machines because they are more busy looking at their muscles, tanlines and talking on their cell phones.
- Were probably the most popular in high school so they live off that reputation till they are 25 and most likely will never amount to anything unless they are handed a job by a successful relative.
- Usually are loud mouthed 3rd or 4th generation Italian-Americans who know a friend, who knows a guy, who's uncle is connected, therefore they believe they are connected.
- Would never fight you unless 10 or 15 of his "boys" are around and you're by yourself.
- Probably are, were or want to pose for the FDNY calendar.
- Good chance fucked one of his male friends.
- Are the main reason the people at the Jersey Shore hate New Yorkers.
SIDB usually consist of girls who:
- Have orange face.
- Have the brightest teeth you ever seen.
- Put their hair in that stupid poof thing like paris hilton or gwen stefani.
- Are too good to drink beer.
- Usually are in credit card debt.
- Got fake tits or german automobile on her sweet sixteen causing her parents to go into credit card debt.
- Usually her family moved from Brooklyn, into a condo or house with a 3 foot backyard.
- Works in a tanning salon or as a hairdresser, waitress or bartender because they went to Staten Island Community College or St.Johns Staten Island Campus for 1 semester and have no qualifications.
- Enjoy double parking and parking in firezones and handicap spots, then argue with cops when they get caught.
- Generally are spoiled rotten.
- Very cunty.
- Only reading they do is celebrity gossip magazines.
- Generally have filthy mouths but surprisingly they wont give head.
Guy #1 "Hey is that bar gonna be filled with Staten ISland Douchebags?"
Guy #2 "Yes"
Guy #1 "I'm not going then"
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A douchebag bar crawl (DBC) occurs when you're out with your crew and you attend 3 or more consecutive bars that have a reputation of being frequented by douchebags. A douchebag bar crawl is more often than not a spur-of-the-moment decision brought on by excess booze and questionable choices.
John: We went to THOSE bars last night? It's a bit hazy for me but are you serious?
Steve: I know man, I can't believe we pulled off a douchebag bar crawl last night. What the fuck are we even doing with our lives?
You know the one. The one who everyone hated but no one really told him it to his face. The one who would be super touchy with girls and suck up to them like crazy. The one who would invite himself to parties when it was clear no one wanted him there. The one who always would suck up to the popular kids despite the fact that they hated him. The one who thought that if he talked in a really loud voice it would make him funny/important. The one who would try out for every sport but barely be good enough to make JV. The one you so desperately wished someone would smack or tell off. The one who bragged about his beer drinking/pot smoking prowess. The one who would name drop the popular kids or hot girls in conversations to sound like he's connected to them in some way. You know the one. And you fucking hated him.
That douchebag in high school probably went on to only pass his tech classes if it makes you feel any better.
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