not the one

When a certain circumstance is most inconvenient or insufferable.

“My dog got hit by a car yesterday”
Reply: “Ooo... that is not the one!”

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one of

A part of a group or a subunit of a larger unit

One of the things that kill poor people is poverty

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There was one

in the movie Stripes, Cruiser talks about why he enlisted in the Army.

Cruiser: "Well I thought I would enlist before I got drafted."

Sgt. Hulka: "Son there is no draft anymore."

Cruiser's response: "There was one?"

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one and one and one is three

Really pointless Beatles lyric from "Come Together"

One and one and one is three!

...

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One

A unit of sex, although with no concrete definition. This can be given or slipped.

"Have you seen that Kate Moss. She's got tits like fried eggs but I'd certainly slip her one."

Mario: "How many marks would you give Princess Peach, out of two?"

Luigi: "Hmm. I'd give her one."

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one on one

The phrase that people say that suck at everything but is the best in their little village where they live when they lose in a team-based. Normally followed by a really bad yo momma joke.

John: God dude, you really suck at everything.
Gaylord: what, you wanna go one on one, because I'm in your mom's bed.
John: (pause) Wow... really?

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one

l33tsp33k replacement for the exclamation mark. Originates to the common typo in which a "1" is typed instead of an exclamation mark, as a result of the shift key not being held down. This evolved into the current derivative where the term "one" is fully typed.

OMG TEH MARTIX REOLADED IS TEH ROXXOR!!!!!!!111111oneoneone

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