Device masturbation

noun; the act of being on an internet enabled device for no reason other than the pleasure of oneself.

"There's been a lot of device masturbation, if you will, and it needs to stop. I know your just updating your Facebook 15 times a minute, and there is no reason for it." My history professor.

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masturbation in retaliation

Self service, in response to a break up, or a girlfriend who won't give you any. A man's way of saying "I don't need sex either bitch!" A man's best war cry.

JOHNNY: Man my girl is mad, she ain't putting out...
Mike: MASTURBATION IN RETALIATION!
Johnny: REVOLUTION

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corporate masturbation

the act of discussing business without actually saying ANYTHING, but embuing said corporate masturbator with an undeserved feeling of being of interest or utility to those present or his or her current employer

corporate masturbation can easilly be identified when any of the phrases below (but not limited to this list) are used in the context of discussing a business or business activities:

'going forward'
'restructure our asset-base'
'efficient through-flow model '
'KPI monitoring'
'increase the number of revenue streams'
'consolodating our holdings'
'business paradigm shift'
'stakeholders'
'daynamasism'
'strategic re-evaluation'

etc etc

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Textual Masturbation

When a person writes or types words, phrases, sentences, articles, and the like for the sole purpose of self adulation. While similar to sexting, texual masturbation is primarily for the gratification of the person writing said text, as oppose to the one receiving or reading the text.

Can you believe he wrote an autobiography, that shit is pure Textual Masturbation ?!

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what is masturbating

Masturbating is when you touch your self “down there” to make you feel good

Donny: damn last night I was peaking in my step sisters room and she had her fingers deep in her pussy and was rubbing back and forth anyways she was masturbating

John: so masturbation is natural i do it you just put your hand on your cock and go up and down masturbating is fun and feels good

What is masturbating
Masturbating is having sex with your hand aka self

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Preventative Masturbation

The act of a married, or romantically committed, Man pleasuring himself regularly so as to eliminate the temptation of being unfaithful.

If I didn't do some Preventative Masturbation, I would be chasing after every skank in the neighborhood.

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Masturbate Party

A hilarious autocorrect fail in which someone wanted to go to a masquerade party but it autocorrected to masturbate party.

I have to go to a

masturbate party tonight

and I don’t know what to

wear to it.

Um why not go naked
lololol

HAHAHAHAHA

A masquerade party

Damn
autoeroticasphyxiation

I’m not even gonna ask

Yeah it’s probably for the

best

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