assisted masturbation

The act of having another individual whack you off, can be of the male or female variety.

Person 1: Dude! My girl hit me up with some assisted masturbation
Person 2: Noice!

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masturbation in retaliation

Self service, in response to a break up, or a girlfriend who won't give you any. A man's way of saying "I don't need sex either bitch!" A man's best war cry.

JOHNNY: Man my girl is mad, she ain't putting out...
Mike: MASTURBATION IN RETALIATION!
Johnny: REVOLUTION

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Masturbate Party

A hilarious autocorrect fail in which someone wanted to go to a masquerade party but it autocorrected to masturbate party.

I have to go to a

masturbate party tonight

and I don’t know what to

wear to it.

Um why not go naked
lololol

HAHAHAHAHA

A masquerade party

Damn
autoeroticasphyxiation

I’m not even gonna ask

Yeah it’s probably for the

best

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Preventative Masturbation

The act of a married, or romantically committed, Man pleasuring himself regularly so as to eliminate the temptation of being unfaithful.

If I didn't do some Preventative Masturbation, I would be chasing after every skank in the neighborhood.

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what is masturbating

Masturbating is when you touch your self “down there” to make you feel good

Donny: damn last night I was peaking in my step sisters room and she had her fingers deep in her pussy and was rubbing back and forth anyways she was masturbating

John: so masturbation is natural i do it you just put your hand on your cock and go up and down masturbating is fun and feels good

What is masturbating
Masturbating is having sex with your hand aka self

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Cold Masturbation

You use a masturbator, hand, dildo, etc. that you or someone intentionally make the thing your masturbating with extremely cold. Then you masturbate with it, typically giving a orgasmic shivering nut.

Cold Masturbation is the best kind of masturbation!!!

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corporate masturbation

the act of discussing business without actually saying ANYTHING, but embuing said corporate masturbator with an undeserved feeling of being of interest or utility to those present or his or her current employer

corporate masturbation can easilly be identified when any of the phrases below (but not limited to this list) are used in the context of discussing a business or business activities:

'going forward'
'restructure our asset-base'
'efficient through-flow model '
'KPI monitoring'
'increase the number of revenue streams'
'consolodating our holdings'
'business paradigm shift'
'stakeholders'
'daynamasism'
'strategic re-evaluation'

etc etc

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