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'He's been in there for hours Cuthbert, i reckon he's jacking the beanstalk again!'
48👍 2👎
To take advantage of a drunk girl sexually
Oh man, David totally jack davised
maddie last night, she was hammered!
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Penetrating a partner from behind (anally or vaginally) and reaching around to manually stimulate their genitals while watching a Jack Reacher movie.
“We were watching Netflix when he gave me the most intense Jack Reacharound!
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n. A mixed drink, well suited for hot summer nights. Essentially, this drink is a Whiskey Sour made with Jack Daniels, with a splash of Drambuie for a hint of honey, and a splash of Grenadine for a nice rosy color. Very tasty!
Ingredients:
2 tblsp Jack Daniels
1 tblsp Drambuie
1 dash Grenadine
1/4 cup Sweet and sour mix
1/4 cup Orange juice
Mixing instructions:
Combine all ingredients over ice in a glass.
Steve mixes an excellent Jack Frost.
995👍 100👎
a lawyer who defends kids in murder cases by claiming that video games brainwashed them into doing it. Where do I start with this one?
-His license to practice law in Alabama has been revoked.
-He had several gamepolitics.com accounts, all of which were banned.
-He claims that the original Doom trained the Columbine shooters, and that Halo trained the D.C. sniper attacks, both of which statements are outrageously ridiculous when you consider how realistic those games are (I'm referring to gameplay, not graphics).
-Every email reply he sends is always something like:
"piss off you little queerbag" or "your favorite industry has been exposed on 60 minutes you fagtard" (with that same punctuation and capitalization).
-He hasn't won a single court case with his position. Where the hell does he get his money from?
Jack Thompson is a COMMUNIST!
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A CreepyPasta of average fame, Laughing Jack is what is known as a clown. He is, of course, murderous. His preferred method of killing is slicing open the stomach of said victim, removing the inards and stuffing the body with candy. Before he kills his victim (usually a young child), he becomes "imaginary friends" with them. Said child is then comfortable with Laughing Jack coming into their room, and will suspect nothing when he murders them. In the original CreepyPasta introducing Laughing Jack, it is said that after the parent discoveres the boy is murdered, they accidentally stab the boy in the heart, in an attempt to stab Laughing Jack. When the authorities arrive, it looks like the parent had murdered the boy herself. The parent was charged with insanity and was sent to a mental institution. There is never an explanation for what happened to Laughing Jack, so we can only imagine that he is still at large.
Boy: Papa, is Laughing Jack real?
Father: Laughing Jack is a child's story for cowards.
361👍 33👎
Chuck Norris is tough, but Jack Bauer is tougher. Walker Texas Ranger never had to deal with Terrorist and get things done in 24 hours….or did he? Anyway, Jack Bauer is tough, and he is the new man with the Random Facts.
1.If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
2.Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
3.If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
4.Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
5.Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
6.Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
7.Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
8. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
9.If Jack says “I just want to talk to him/her” and that him/her is you… well amigo, you’re fucked.
10.Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
11.Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
12.If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars.
13.When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
14.Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed.
15.If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.
16.Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn’t want to.
17.Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack fucking Bauer.
18.Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
19.As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”
20.While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
21.Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
22.Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
23.Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
24.Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
25.Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
26.If Jack’s starring at someone and his eye twitches, assume that person has less than 15 minutes to live.
27.When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists.
Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
28.Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
29.David Spade always says ‘yes’ to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.
30.Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar…
1724👍 187👎